I am a Pluribus Hater

Okay, I made a post about Pluribus a few days ago after watching the first episode. I thought it was effectively scary and I loved the 'romantasy author who despises her audience' angle. I was pumped up to see how frightening and disorientating the plurb (what I like to call the subsumed mass of infected, unified humanity) might be. But on that front, I was highly disappointed. So let me tell you why I'm kind of a Pluribus hater. Spoilers coming at you.

Carol sits in the front of a truck.

So, immediately on viewing the second episode I felt that the tone had been lost. The first episode works really well because it is a fantastically paced, frantic unfolding of the key concept. We see the slow and then lightning fast spread of this disease. We see our protagonist, the most misanthropic and bored woman in the world, suddenly have to scrabble around like a ferret to try and save her wife while everything is crumbling around her in the freakiest way possible. That electric feeling is abandoned promptly for a kind of awkward goofiness that didn't work for me.

Carol stands with a survivor and a group of relatives.

Carol meets the other survivors, who still have their own individual minds, but they are all brainlessly accepting of the plurb. And you might think, oh, cool, this is making an interesting parallel between literal mindless dronism and people who have little interest in questioning the things around them. Except, no, it doesn't. Most of the survivors are seen almost exclusively in this one episode, and we're pretty much not interested in their inner worlds, what they think about the plurb, or how they feel about what's happening. We barely see them interacting with their now-amalgamated family members, they hardly express any emotion whatsoever, and those that do have any real presence are distinctly unlikeable. And so the series is left, unfortunately, close to characterless.

Carol pours out a bottle of water in front of the plurb's main avatar.

It doesn't help that Carol has very little to say or do for vast swathes of the show. She throws out a few sarcastic lines, sneers a bit, and that's largely the extent of it. Which is tough when much of the show is spent following just Carol, occasionally accompanied by the Stepford Wife plurb woman. And I gotta be real with you, the plurb itself is unbearably dull. I thought, above all, that this show was going to have some interesting character fun with the plurb. This is a character which is at once its own weird mass, and also every individual on Earth. It's the centrepiece of the show. So why is it just the exact empty non-personality you imagine when you think of a generic robot? It just spends all of its time gazing at Carol and saying "hey Carol, love you Carol".

The plurb avatar gazes offscreen.

The show has, I will admit, some glittering moments. The scene where the plurb reluctantly reveals that her wife didn't like her books (even the 'good' one!) is wonderful. For a moment we get some real insight into this character and her (seemingly somewhat fraught) relationship with her wife. It's a moment that really lets you feel the sting of this knowledge, a moment that expands upon Carol's feelings of failure. She's pathetic, and this is how.

Carol is passed out next to a half-empty whiskey bottle.

I also loved the sheer beauty of Manousos' journey from Paraguay. He is allowed some genuinely moving moments, and feels like an exciting and weird and cool antithesis to the doomer anti-hero thing we're getting from Carol. That said, his character too is pretty thin on the ground. He spends most of his time in the shadows, the mysterious, lurking, muttering Spanish-speaker. I wanted more of him, I wanted to feel like I knew him. I wanted him to be allowed to kill.

Manousos, small in the frame, crosses a beautiful stream.

In the end, the moments of introspection, world-building, and thoughtful characterisation across this series were far too weak for me, the pacing struggled to cope with a dearth of material (9 episodes? try 5 imo), the tone felt unsatisfying, and the show just felt... empty.

Carol's driveway, which looks out upon a beautiful, mountanous Albuquerque landscape.

What we're left with is just the lonely, vast beauty of Albuquerque. And I will, at the very least, take that.

One Wycaro book out of five.

 

I Don't Wanna Do Anything

A scribbly drawing of a dog in a snowy landscape.

I woke up today feeling a bit stinky. No blog post queued up, and a frightening list of potential tasks awaiting me, I'm thinking: eww. I don't wanna do anything. Can I not just play video games for six hours? Yesterday I began a new playthrough of Final Fantasy VIII, the greatest game ever made on this sick Earth, and the bliss of it was immense.

A screenshot of Final Fantasy VIII. A student says, "T'es le chouchou de la prof?"
Why yes, I am Quistis's chouchou.

I love that world so much (and I'm playing it in French, so I'm enjoying all the linguistic tidbits available to me). I now have two Irvine Kinneas Steam Trading Cards. I must collect the rest. My cards.

A screenshot of two Steam Cards: Selphie and Irvine.
If you happen to have the other character cards, consider trading them to me.

But I will diligently attempt my tasks and habits and such. I'm doing it right now by writing this post! See - I'm so capable!

I read Zaph's post on routine, and something about it just put me in a determined state. I like the idea of "leaving a treat for future you" that they mentioned - segmenting yourself into the current you (the parent) and the future you (the daughter) is a strikingly effective way of motivating yourself to do something you're just squirming on the edge of. That Maggie Simpson "do it for her" inspirational image but it's just future me. It's not cute Maggie Simpson. It's me.

A screenshot of The Simpons. A panel at Homer's desk reads "do it for her" and is plastered with photos of Maggie.
Imagine this but with an older and more elegant me.

I'll share with you some of my LIST OF TASKS:

  1. edit video (yawn, dreading this one because I have a big long video file)
  2. write a new Patreon video
  3. make a blog post (doing it right now)
  4. make a lot of drawings and queue them
  5. write a short about Blogger (I need to widen my reach and get TikTok users to make blogs) 

A veritable list of challenges that reminds one of being lost in the Minotaur's labyrinth, no? But I will do this, and then I will permit myself perhaps three hours of Final Fantasy. This is the way.

Crucially, one must allow oneself (I'm speaking as the queen does - did) some grace. At some point the agonising about having not done x thing becomes your greatest enemy. That's the Minotaur, chasing you down, cornering you in that labyrinth. You know about the Minotaur.

A book illustration which shows a concentric maze and some latin text labelling it.
This Pompeii graffiti is about me getting stuck in the labyrinth of my own mind, probably - from Mazes and Labyrinths: A General Account of their History and Developments by W.H. Matthews (1922), via the Public Domain Image Archive.

So like, just chill and slack off. And then give it another shot in an hour, for your beautiful future self. Your most precious darling. 

Drawing with my Left Hand

One of the things I would very vaguely like to do in the coming year is be a little bit more experimental. I used to do a lot more traditional art (rather than digital), and with that was all of this freedom with medium, texture, etc. I see tons of interesting and creative ideas all the time, and I think I used to have a bit of a looser approach to posting art.

A wobbly drawing of a dog and a smiling flower.

So, with that in mind, and my still-looming repetitive strain injury that I am nursing to varying degrees of success (felt much better after taking a long walk and watching some Pluribus episodes instead of doing basically anything with these hands), I tried some simple drawings with my left hand. And I really like them.

A wobbly drawing of a woman sitting next to a cat.

I enjoy the much looser and more jagged quality of line they have. With the caveat that I did adjust the eyeballs in the first image with my right hand (I am sorry, okay, I am a fraud - I am a right-handed huckster).

The truly great thing about shaky, blocky, hurried lines or brushstrokes though is that their capacity for indirect representation can be wider than tighter linework. What's going on is, on average, more interpretable. I like that. The great expanse of the unclear. The left hand is the master of an alternative world. 

Pluribus Scares Me

Screenshot from Pluribus of Carol looking scared and upset in the dark.

Rhea Seehorn is at the top of my heart. She is my major blorbo in two instances: Better Call Saul, which I am in the middle of watching (Jimmy stop that, no), in which she plays the perpetually frazzled Kim Wexler, and now in Pluribus, which I have just watched the first episode of.

Kim Wexler looks at colourful post-it notes on a glass wall in front of her.
Kim with her post-its. She's an artist.

In Pluribus she is Carol Sturka, a romance novel writer who appears to despise everything associated with romance novels. Immediately, I like that this character is a hater. I sort of think it would be more fun if she just loved her stinky novels, but I can never say no to a hater. People are filth to this woman, and of course - that makes perfect sense for a protagonist that now has to deal with a hivemind of every person on Earth. Does she hate them more or less as an amalgamation? Perhaps I will find out when I watch: more episodes.

A crowd of eager readers sit facing Carol at her book reading.

But to be honest with you, I'm frightened. I'm not sure exactly why, but before I even started watching this thing I felt a little anxiety squeeze. Maybe it was just the concept alone of the human population being Borg'd, but I felt an aversion to watching. I didn't feel ready. When I did get around to it, the show only expanded that feeling, because the thing is - it is hurtful. This show is about causing pain to me, personally. I mean, in the very first episode, of course, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, for all the cards to fall into place. But moreover, the show is about being trapped. And boy do I feel it.

Carol exits a car, faced by a crowd of people.

Carol has a surely yummy alcoholic drink, and then finds herself running around and grabbing objects and slamming on that accelerator. Can a woman not just have a tasty treat? Does a woman have to grapple with a new, reduced, form of humanity that is closing in on her and begging her to assimilate?

Carol looks frightened as a few people gather around her.

It is interesting and cool, I think, that Carol starts out surrounded by her gaggle of adoring fans, the book lovers who swoon and salivate over a dull masculine stereotype that she herself finds pathetic, and ends surrounded by a world of hollowed out, flattened approximations of a former planet of diverse individuals. In both lives, she is alone, but in her new one she has no commiseration. Just the full attention of every loser in the world.

Carol sits on the couch, looking at a TV with a government official onscreen and banner text which reads: "we're not aliens".

I can't wait to see what happens next - but I dread it. 

Two Poems I Wrote Last Year

Here are two poems I wrote in December. I made a poem document to write poems in right in the middle of the month, and then I wrote two poems in there. My twins. Give them a kiss.

 

A drawing of two blobby people meeting while falling.

 the acrobats


in seven years he took two hearts
pulled them apart like strings of honey
and sewed them together again
half of one and half of the other

in doing so he stretched his arms
through windows and across skies
and above the heads of panting dogs
who see all horrors and say nothing

the hearts were placed in loving bodies
a woman with a fear of eggs
and a man who saw stars in every direction

they felt a call to each others’ bodies
pressed their sutures together
stayed away from birds

fell from the trapeze

 

A drawing of two smiling plates in the dishwasher, with abstract swirls circling them.

in another world we are wet hot dishes in a dishwasher


there is a soothing, crashing ocean
and a thousand pearly bubbles
and the wobbling glass carafe
who threatens to upturn herself
and fall against the tines

there are clumped, rusting knives
foolish children, never sharp
and tumblers nestled together
nesting dolls for orange juice
yearning to be stacked

and then there’s us, ceramic, pretty plates
not for olives, not for chutney
reserved for all the proper meals
our wide, flat brims gently touch
our curved hollows glisten

You are Going to Start a Blog Now

It's the third of January. You're thinking, "I can't start a blog now? Two days after the beginning of the year? Why, everyone would point and laugh at me. No one would be impressed." 

A photo of a woman gazing at you from behind her laptop.
That's me blogging.

WRONG. I would be impressed. I would clap. Like this:

Animated gif of a woman clapping.
That's me clapping.

I have been ceaselessly obsessed with This Kind of blog for a pretty long time. My beautiful blogspot which you are looking at right now never took off, never became some kind of indie sensation. No, it languished alone and neglected after everyone stopped doing blogs, started doing YouTube, pivoted to video in a more crazed way than ever before, and birthed the dawn of the current wave of short-form video which has most internet users in a chokehold in one way or another.

My 86 year old grandfather is looking at and playing short videos on his phone. I don't know how this happened, and it frightens me - not least because the volume on that phone is turned up HIGH.

But what I need you to do right now, if you have even a sliver of diaristic noodling within your mushy little brain, is start a blog. Or log back into your old one, if you were already one of us, one of our fallen brethren. I think, one day, sooner than I'm ready for, Blogger will get shut down. Unless everyone starts getting really into it. I mean, what if we all had one, huh? Wouldn't that be a beautiful big world of blogalicious joy and fun?

Black and white picture of a laptop with the Blogger composer open. The text of this blog post can be seen.
A beautiful image of this very post.

Yes, it would be. Which is why you need to make a blog. Do it today. Write something overly personal. Write a horrible poem. Show me your outfit (we can act like lookbook.nu never died). Are you listening to me? Are you hearing me?

I am calling out to you. I need you. Start a blog.

Y2K Fashion Cannot Hurt Me

I have become insane, and the fault is, of course: Y2K nostalgia. It’s not my fault. It’s just time, and a thousand teenagers who were presumably all hatched from waterlogged river eggs last Wednesday. They want the tight long-sleeved t-shirts in muted green colours that drape over the hips with extra long fabric for alien-length torsos and contain a cute, feminine little neck detail - perhaps a few nonfunctional buttons.

Bella Swan wears a nice white top.
Bella Swan in her beautiful white marl long-sleeved Henley top. She is a genius.

In 2008, or thereabouts, I had a red striped Primark t-shirt. That was my favourite thing, and sometimes I still miss it. This was when Primark was exciting and hyper-cheap and trendy, before the Rita Ora lines and non-stop licensed IPs. Topshop was around. The little buttons were there for us.

How many Friends clothing items can the world possibly need?

Anyway, I try not to look at clothes because I feel the allure taking hold of me. I feel the curse flaring up within, but I have enough clothes and I think at this point I always will. There is no need to ever buy clothes aside from when something in particular disintigrates in my very hands. Nevertheless, I am a sucker, and numerous things that I never really wore in the 2000s myself now capture my attention.

A collage of various girls with strappy best tops, and some sunflowers.
The strappy top brigade.

Largely, strappy tops. This is something I wear now (and do already own), but I was not a vest owner back then. I needed to be t-shirted up. But I love the cute and sometimes cluttered look with a simple little top. Nice.
MSPaint drawing of a woman in simple t-shirt and trousers. Text reads: "unassuming normal woman".
Literally me.

I did wear the simple long sleeve in green or black. And there’s just something about a tight, long-sleeved shirt. With some jeans. I love it. That’s a simple woman’s outfit. And I could be her.

Bella Swan wears her long-sleeved top under a short-sleeved top. She is a genius.

My aunt has had a mystery black hoodie lurking in her house for some time. It’s not mine, it’s not, seemingly, anyone else’s. But after maybe a year of trying to locate its owner, she told me she was going to throw it out. So it’s mine now.

A grainy webcam photo of a woman wearing a nondescript black hoodie.
Really good picture of the hoodie.

And in a way, this is the perfect clothing item of the 2000s. It just needs a Slipknot logo to really take me back there.

Delicious 2026

Good January to you, dear reader.

A drawing of a girl holding the number "2026".

I'm not really, traditionally, a New Year's resolution type person. I prefer to just drift along as usual, but I also just regularly try new things and get into a new goal, so I think overall it can feel a bit redundant. I don't have any amazing ideas springing to mind for this new and delicious year, but it is true that in 2025 I finally came to understand that mysterious beast we call "the gym". And as it turns out, I like her. Except for her cancellation policies, which are always bad, and which always incur a string of emails that feel like you're being pursued by the most inept police force in the world. They can only communicate via email, but their pursuit of you is certainly relentless.

A drawing of a muscly man using a cable machine. A girl taps him on the bum and asks, "can I use the cable machine pls?"

So that's one glorious habit formed, crystallised, made permanent within me. And I do have the gentle suggestion of bicep muscles at this time. They are real. I hope they won't sink back into me and smooth out. I'd like to have a trace of evidence.

Anyway, I do have some vague interests, let's put it that way. I read thirteen books in 2025. I'd like to read a higher number this year, and in particular some non-fiction, focusing on early American history. Thomas Jefferson and all that. John Adams, who so far I have learned liked his wife. Good for him.

A drawing of John Adams thinking, "I lurve my wife".

I also received a diary for Christmas, and a beautiful fountain pen, so it goes without saying that a physical diary entry is going to be happening to me every day - in that luscious school-blue ink. Very good. I've missed keeping a diary.

A drawing of a girl happily writing in a diary. Text reads: "dear diary, today was stinky".

Mostly, though, the major thing I want to do is make more videos. It's tough to get the pace right considering things like variable video length (I'm working on an hour-long one, and while that's great for a big chunky video that viewers can sink into, it's extremely bad for getting videos made in reasonable time-frames). I've been making a video for Patreon every month since June, and so in six months I'll be able to start posting those publicly (my whole thing there is that they're exclusive for a year, and then go fully public). I'm pretty excited to be able to do that, but it means that until then, my public output looks low - because I'm spending time making sure those bonus videos are done every month, instead of just making more public videos that can be seen by all.

I also had the trouble of a repetitive strain injury, which meant I had to massively reduce my editing time so that I could rest, and so a video I wanted to get done in October will now, in the best case scenario, be posted in January. I'm hoping to improve my workflow to mitigate this sort of thing, and it might just require the videos I make to be shorter for the foreseeable future. I'm not totally sure what exactly I'm going to do, I just know that this is the major thing I'd like to improve in the next year. Become better at making the videos.

But that's boring, so whatever. I'll read 43 books. I'll watch Pluribus. I'll draw every picture on my phone. I'll rotoscope some animations of Saul Goodman. Yeah.

Two dogs stand side-by-side. They stare blankly at the viewer.

Happy New Year!