Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts

I TAKE TOO MANY PHOTOS (and yet not enough)

I swear, every time I look through my phone’s IMAGE FILES I am greeted by the unstoppable and dire realisation that no, I will never be a true neat minimalist legend. I will simply be a woman with things. And the things I have the most of, clearly, will be all those alluring files I keep on my precious phone. 

Blossom in New York, 8th April 2024.

The best thing, without a doubt, is that they’re backed up. Because they’re not stored in one easily destructible phone, but on Google’s big, meaty servers too, everything was basically okay when I abandoned my poor phone at Heathrow last October. Am I still hurt by how lacklustre the lost & found department at the airport was? Yes. Am I still haunted by the knowledge that at any time it can all go south, and I can be on a 12 hour flight without my phone, saying, “wow I wish I had my phone”, and then be in Tokyo for maybe a week and a half completely phone-less, gazing at commuters eyes fixed on their phones like an orphan at an out-of-reach bowl of gruel? Yes. But basically, it was fine. Still got all my pics. Still got most of my apps (although tragically I lost the now-unavailable free version of Kanji Tree, but the person who made it deserves cash money, and I have other kanji apps).

I went to a safari park with my family, and I saw ponies there (yesssss).

The point is, my pics and snaps are eternal. They will never die. They will exist as long as I have storage left. And I do. I do have storage left.

They accumulate though. Like a big mould. Sometimes I look back upon them, and find seven near-identical photos of me standing in front of a landmark. None of them are “show to another human being” level images. And yet they are here, in the bowels of the phone. Lurking.

I love them. 

Eclipse in New York, 8th April 2024.

Here are some pictures from my recent outings. Try to guess what events may have lead me to take them. Try to imagine the rich life I may be leading. And then smile as you look. These are my images. This is me.

Abandoned Squirtle, 9th May.

Tasty treat, 21st June.

Hand reaching out, 30th May.

Lost Mickey, Tokyo, 3rd Jan.

Gratitude, or Whatever

The idea of a gratitude journal is so straightforwardly nice. List the things that make you happy. List your deepest thanks for all the coffees you had today. A transcendent and gracious act, and if you do it, you are better than everyone. You are like an angel.

I am grateful for: this guy.

It sounds a bit too direct, I think. A "gratitude journal" sounds like something a weird older relative would make you do, aged seven on a Sunday when you really, really would rather be evolving your Eevee into an Espeon. I guess maybe I'd prefer a general scrapbook or journal. One that was just like any other, except that you knew, in your own gorgeous, big mind, that it was for recording all that good stuff around you. It's a secret, and that makes anything better.

Another point is that I am a hater, and I value hating. Being thankful and enjoying stuff can certainly be fun, but babes, I need my rage. I need my fresh, searing irritation and bitter resentment. And you know, all the things between that and pure, idyllic, heavenly love and admiration and joy. Because sometimes all the great things make the bad things seem that much more unfair. We need the whole bundle. A dog caused very hot coffee to be spilled on me yesterday. And I do not forgive that dog. 

Ok fine, I forgive the dog.

Blossoms are allowed to flower in the USA.

Anyway, I suppose this is my gratitude journal, for right now. I am grateful for the ability to feel the whole steaming circus of emotions. I am especially grateful to have learned that I can be really mad for a second (e.g. aforementioned dog hot coffee incident) and then just get over it (after my aunt puts my jumper, now moist with coffee, in the wash). I am grateful for the pretty white blossoms that show up everywhere in spring, a unifying feature of all sorts of places - and one that I have used to decorate this post. Wherever you go (or at least... in many places) you will be comforted by the blossom. It belongs with you, and you belong with it. The world is with you, y'know? Familiar things remain.

I am grateful for the glimpses of what I would call my "true" look - glumpy type woman, slouchy jumper, hair up. I like the times I see myself in the mirror and think, "yeah......... that's so me". That's the platonic ideal of me. Very satisfying.

Glump woman.

Lastly, I am grateful for sleep, which I will do now.

                                                                                                 (Goodnight)

One Bag

I've been thinking a lot about hoarding lately. Both the actual serious medical condition, and more broadly the way we collect and keep so many objects in our lives. I've always been extremely interested in stuff like the (briefly very popular, but seemingly a bit less so these days) online minimalism movement. I love looking at a photo of someone's single 40L bag that they take travelling with them. I love thinking, "what if everything I own could fit into a bag like that?" and then never actually remotely reaching such a goal.

What if I only had this tote bag? Wow.

I always think there'd be such an immense freedom in that. Just me and my Big Bag. A few years ago I bought a desktop computer. And I got a yellow desk to put my monitor on. And then I got a beautiful Rode Procaster microphone and arm from a very generous friend (thank you Hayley!). And so now there's this extra corner of my room that belongs to me. An immobile beast. I love it, and I love playing games on it, and I often use it to stream - which has earned me at least $20, if not more ;-)

But still, often I think, ok, what if I got rid of that stuff? That thing will not, unfortunately, fit in my backpack.

Digital hoarding, too, is something I'm interested by. Not least because I am always running the risk of filling up my free Google Photos storage. And nothing in this world could ever make me pay for more of it. But what am I to do with all my beautiful photos and videos? Well, lately I've been making short videos with my collected footage and posting them on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube, but this practice does in fact make it so that I record a lot more videos than I otherwise would. It's very satisfying though, and I get to enjoy deleting all the footage when I'm done. Perfect.

It's easy, of course, to keep a million digital files, because they essentially take up no space. But I try to stay in the habit of constantly pruning them. I love to delete. I love to kill. Pictures are so amazing, because they help you to save memories, but in some cases I really only need what's in my head.

Still, better to keep endless digital clutter than physical. I look at my chunky black backpack wistfully. I think it's a 40L bag. It's great for travelling, and I can usually easily fit everything I need in there. But everything I own? Not even close. Maybe one day.

The painting I'm looking at here is 'Hof zwischen Großstadthäusern'
(Courtyard between City Housing), by Erich Miller-Hauenfels. In Vienna's Leopold Museum.

The Great Social Media Wars of 2023

Here we are, in a landscape of digital turmoil, scrambling around like bees looking for a new hive. I’m feeling nostalgic about lots of things, like Myspace (which there is now a dupe for) and something I can’t remember the name of which was present on websites in the 90s: a lighthouse you could click on that would take you to a random website. This was the way the online world first opened up to me as a young child. Click on the lighthouse. You’ll see something new. I’m not sure if it was a webring or something slightly different, but I found the lighthouse theming quite captivating. The imagery of the guiding light at the edge of a vast, moving sea. It was perfect for what the web was, and how wide open and personal it felt.

Perhaps something a bit like this.

You can do the same sort of thing on Wikipedia, and it’s so fun! Just click on a random page, learn about Frontiers of Science (a comic strip about - you guessed it - the frontiers of science). Great! Remnants of exploration are around, but more hidden than they were. Stumbleupon was another way to discover things online, popular around 2010, but it bit the dust finally in 2018. The web had become more insular.


The internet has come to be a much more ordered, corporate space as it has evolved across the past few decades. It’s often portrayed in movies that explore it as a physical space as an uninspiring, futuristic, clinical mall (e.g. Wreck it Ralph 2, Ready Player One, The Emoji Movie). This alone speaks volumes. Oh to wander the Pinterest and Spotify and Snapchat skyscrapers. Oh to suck up the empty space.


Wreck-It Ralph 2's Amazon zone.


So the internet is in large part, a shopping zone. It’s Times Square. It’s nasty. And now we have our dedicated posting apps. Clean and white and empty (the influence of the iPhone is insurmountable), and filled with ads that feel increasingly random and esoteric, despite the grand accumulation of data to “personalize” them. Wow, I didn’t know I needed… a kind of odd graphic tee. Thank you Twitter. Thank you for serving me five thousand bra ads a day. I am ready to buy now.


Ok ok, that’s the landscape. We all know about it. The built-in creative fun of Myspace and Livejournal has been drifting away from us on a makeshift raft for a long time (although Tumblr, maintaining some relic status as the prime social media type thing for weird art girls of the past 10 to 15 years, still has some of this). Part of my personal response to this lately has been to jump into Neocities and to revive this gorgeous blog (you’re welcome). And I’d like to encourage other people to get over here and get into this kind of “personal site/blog/hub” way of posting, but it’s certainly not a one-for-one replacement for social media, and this is an essential part of the weird problem we’re facing here.


The Jonathan Richman page of my website (important).

There are some unique pros to enjoy about modern social media. Obviously one huge reason it came about was because the phone became our primary way of getting online, and our websites and blogs weren’t and still aren’t really suited for that format. There’s also so much breezy simplicity in browsing a ton of short-form content and having a feed for that. It is a shame, I think, that feeds for long form content have been starved out (I used to use Bloglovin’ a lot and now that thing is a hollowed out corpse sitting there, impossible to log into, repulsive to see), but it’s simply not a replacement for the short-form feed we’ve come to know and adore. Short form content is different, fun, wild. It is not your noodling blog post, nor your meticulously crafted HTML nightmare website with a thousand blinkies. It’s its own thing, and it needs its own home.


So here we are at the crossroads between all the new Twitter-likes, and it’s clear now, looking at them all, that Twitter was (is) monumental. It was instrumental in making the short text post a content king. It made it so we can harangue celebrities at will. It took us to new oversharing heights, and it made communicating with your online pals easier than ever. I have met, at this point, most of the people in my life via Twitter. I’ve found countless artists and Final Fantasy podcasters and Jar Jar Binks freaks on there who have inspired me a huge amount. And while I would absolutely follow their weird blogs where they post regular 1000 word posts about medieval cross sections of frogs or whatever, there is no replacing the Twitter format. We need the little posts.


So what’s it to be? Let me run through all the platform options I am currently aware of and give you my Big Thoughts on all of them. It’s hard to say which will come out on top. Maybe none of them. Maybe we’ll just use all of them forever.



Tumblr


Tumblr lives under the looming shadow of its past, and this is both a deterrent and a selling point. It’s somewhat nostalgic, and honestly I love it for a lot of complex reasons. To me, Tumblr was always sort of an art place. The people I follow there are very funny and creative. But there certainly is a culture there (and this is an issue with every Twitter alternative here - there is a certain vibe to the userbase which may or may not be to your liking).


There is a sense on Tumblr of being in some sort of secret den. It’s also always felt like more of a female-heavy place to me and I do enjoy that. The feeling of just being surrounded by feral, creative girls. It’s good. I think there are some small UI issues that linger and could go a long way, if changed, towards making Tumblr feel smoother. For example, I notice the images there being slow to load much more often than on other apps. I don’t wanna see those placeholder gradients anymore. I banish them.



Mastodon


I have a soft spot for Mastodon. There is something relaxed about it. I never personally had any onboarding problems, but I think even a small amount of unsmoothness ends up amounting to a big issue just because people will go to whatever platform offers them the easiest signup experience and integration into the app/site culture. Immediately this place gained a reputation for having USER RULES (uh oh!) and I think this will probably linger. I also have experienced some annoying technical issues, usually images not posting (which I tend to only notice when I come back hours later and see an error message). This may be more to do with Tusky (the app I use to do Mastodon posting on my phone), but it highlights another issue of complication, which is the fact that there are multiple proprietary apps to choose from - so you’re faced with another decision to make. Not necessarily a big problem for the individual user, but an issue for swathes of people who just want to download an app and join a platform swiftly.


I like the culture on Mastodon - it’s a lot of people who are interested in minute tech details, literature, old web stuff, their favourite 1993 video game, etc - but it clearly has not gripped the masses and has instead ended up as a hub for different varieties of nerd. It’s quite a relaxing place, but it feels slightly clunky and empty. It feels at once exactly like Twitter, and yet somehow also too different. For whatever reason, I rarely browse there.



Bluesky


Bluesky to me is the technical best of the bunch. It doesn’t have gif or video posting yet, nor direct messaging, but it feels solid. It has alt text. It has some good moderation options. It feels more populated than Mastodon despite being invite-only. This is essentially my favourite one at the moment, but the major downside for me is that much of the prominent userbase on there currently are not the sort of people I’m interested in following. There’s quite a lot of sexual content on there, and while a lot of people have referenced the lack of that sort of thing as a major negative for them on other apps, I personally prefer an app where you simply can’t post nudes. Not just because I don’t want to see those things (which Bluesky is currently ok at moderating via user controls), but I find it fosters a wider user culture that I don’t really like. A pervert culture. lmao


Nevertheless, I’m very interested in Bluesky, and curious to see what things will be like when the place opens up fully (it’s still invite-only at the moment). It feels like a really direct Twitter alternative (thanks in no small part, I’m sure, to a Twitter founder building it), it feels responsive, and it feels relatively alive.



Cohost


Cohost is web-only, which is a huge detriment to its use as a true social media replacement. After trying it out for a while I stopped, partly for this reason, but also because it feels the most barebones. It feels clunky and underpopulated, it doesn’t give you notifications, and it’s essentially a worse version of Tumblr. It’s cute but it doesn’t really work for me.



Threads


Ok. Threads is the new big fella in town. Meta swooped in with a pretty decently structured app. It feels a lot like Hive (which I will touch on next), and it feels a lot like Bluesky (albeit without some of the neat features there). The huge advantage of this one for me was that I could slam all my Instagram followers (and following) over onto Threads, which gives me a nice built-on audience and immediate connection to a bunch of people I already know and follow. That’s huge for the ease of onboarding. If you have an Instagram account you are almost already there.


The downside here is that it feels corporate. There’s a strange algorithmic feed which will inevitably show you some BRAND and INFLUENCER posts that feel aimless and intrusive, but it’s also filled up immediately with tons of users comparitive to other platforms. As an art poster, it was immediate for me to see my feed populated with tons of artists who already used Instagram, and this is the natural platform for them. There is a somewhat sanitised feel here, but at the same time people are not shy about bringing in their shitposting, and it’s nice to see people I have followed on Instagram and seen mainly image posts from in the past from letting loose and going textpost crazy.


Another tragedy, for me, is that because your username is linked to Instagram, I have to have an underscore in my name here. This is true violence.


I’m writing this very soon after the launch of Threads, so the excitement of something new is still pretty palpable, but so far I like the intensely populated, party feel of this one. Also, Limmy is there and his posts are golden.



Hive


Hive is most certainly done for, especially now with Threads coming in, but it was interesting how quickly art and game dev types scrambled to get onto this one. I don’t really know how it happened, I just woke up one day and everyone was on Hive. Then a little while later the whole thing shut down in response to security concerns and that was that. It was unusable for a good while, but it’s still up now and a very small amount of people are still using it. A very curious relic, and for a moment, it could’ve been something. Threads is a technically superior version of this one in any case.



For now, Threads and Bluesky are the options I’m most interested in, and I’m curious to see how they evolve as time goes on. I hope that at some point we’ll settle into some stability, but whatever happens, long live posting, I suppose.


EDIT: Since writing this a few days ago, interesting things have happened on both Bluesky and Threads. Bluesky has gotten into hot water with the userbase for failing to implement preventative measures against usernames including racial slurs. Meanwhile, Threads has forced users within the EU out, blocking them from using the app even with a VPN. It seems that the Twitter-alternative world is still staunchly in its infancy, with every alternative possessing some glaring issues, whether lack of features, annoying glitches, or more complex and unwieldy user culture problems. 


It seems to me, ultimately, that we're facing a huge shift, and that perhaps none of these alternatives will be enough to replace Twitter wholesale. None of them appear to be able to reach its heights.

Reviewing Random Blogs

Since I’m in the process of returning my blog here to its former glory, I’ve been noodling around looking for other bloggers that are still busy in the grand Blogspot universe. My bloglist is full of old, abandoned blogs and a few that are too polished - the types that got a bit too much like glossy magazine editorials in the end, ones that appear to have totally lost the sense of personal documentation that I always loved so much. But it’s mostly the graves. Dead links where bloggers have let their domain names lapse are the most spooky of all. Not even a frame, no ruined archway to look through. No faded tombstone lettering, just dull yellow grass, starved.

A photo by CJ from Above the River.

So I’ve been looking at the only thing I can find that’s still going. And I have located the world of the older lady. Come with me on my journey through the random blogs of women. I will review them now. What fun we shall have.

First up is Grandma Becky L. I found her blog through the comments on a lengthy Attic24 post

This blog, by the way, was mentioned by a commenter recently when I asked what blogs they were still reading. And I love the look of it. The two sidebars filled with links, recent posts, and a blog award banner. Sort of quaint, and a perfect place for a long post filled with nature pics collected throughout June with text on the joys of having a nice summer and looking at some flowers and trees. Very true.

Anyway, back to Grandma Becky. My new queen.

Grandma Becky has an amazing, old school blog layout, featuring a translucent sidebar with a Blogger followers list that has long been abandoned by most blogs that made it past 2013. One thing that struck me was her background, an image of red, blue, and yellow paint (or ink) mixing together in a chaotic drip pattern. A perfect image. Formless, could be made by anyone. That’s what blogging is all about baby!

I also noticed some iconic images in her sidebar. One photo labelled “Girlfriend Fun”, and one labelled “Phil and Becky”.

That’s the kind of cute, understated, personal stuff that reminds me how special and sweet these spaces are. Good for you, Phil and Becky. I love you. I love your love.

Grandma Becky’s posts themselves are pretty straightforward logs of things she’s been doing throughout the day. Here’s some lavender I saw while I was out meeting a friend. Here’s a tea I had. Here are some socks I washed. It rained today. 

At the bottom of the page there’s a picture of “Airman Becky”. Her life is here and I’m taking a little look.

Another blog I found is called “Above the River”. This one is by CJ, a (younger) South Gloucestershire woman who has the stylistic habit of placing all of her photos at the beginning of her blog posts, with captions and commentary following. She too posts a lot of natural photos she takes, and it’s nice browsing them, textless, as if I was watching the landscape unfold in small, sweet pieces around me. These posts feel like letters from a family member, the images enclosed, but separate. It’s super interesting to me how the ordering of the two elements really impacts the feel of reading. There is an intimacy here in the slight rejection of what I think of as typical blogging convention.

The third blog I’ll talk about is “Mrs Ford’s Diary”. Now, this one hasn’t been updated since 2019, so it’s not really a blog that’s still going, but I thought it was interesting in its simplicity. The posts are short, text-only, and written in an almost pronoun-less shorthand. They convey a lot of information very quickly, and so the condensed life of the person writing is packaged into a beautiful little curio. This is quite different to a lot of blogging I’ve seen, and there is something immediately compelling about it. She has a wry way of writing. Come back, Mrs Ford, please. We need you.

After looking at some of these blogs, clicking on blogrolls and following various strange and mysterious links to strange and mysterious places, I remembered the existence of the Blogger profile, and looked at mine. Profiles are everywhere, or course, but something about seeing this one again made me think, “hmm, yeah… this is who I am”. Such a neat place to put myself, like a little white stone shrine statue.

Here I am!

And I’m here like these women, and every day could be extrapolated into a long letter to an invisible daughter. I too could have “Girlfriend Fun” on the sidebar. What a glorious opportunity. Perhaps I will.

Don't forget.

It's been a long time. Well, not that long. A few years.

Blogger (or Blogspot) was something special to me. A scrapbook. A format where you weren't just throwing up a snippet, like you do in other places online, making glimpses. It was a sort of home, a real hub for writing and art and zines and magazine-y expression. A natural culmination of scrolling through Livejournal, visiting strange archives and forums, and encountering that uniquely self-indulgent form of lit we call the memoir.

Me, 1995.

When I was little I destroyed our first home computer by deleting system32 to make room for pictures of angels. The crushing realisation of what I'd done gave me one of my biggest and earliest senses of shame, but looking back, it was very funny.

I notice time falling away with some frequency these days. There's a dread to it, not so much because the future is unknown and frightening and guaranteed to bring ageing, disease, and death, but because there are so many things that get lost along the way. Not just the things we always found important and meaningful, but all the meaningless and tiny things. The way anything is. It will all go away. And I'd actually like for that not to happen. I'd like to step into 2005 and be in that beautiful before. Before the iPhone changed our insular worlds. Before The Saturdays released 'Disco Love'. Before a thousand conventions were made. Before the 2008 financial crash that had every news programme showing footage of the same Northern Rock bank in Kingston. We still had CRT TVs and 4:3 format. I was a child, and I wanted to be a journalist, or a singer, or a games tester for Square Enix.

I wanted to be someone who mattered, or to see something that mattered. And then this place, and others like it, made me feel that everything mattered. The perfect little microcosm of writing, the girls pouring weird graphics and makeshift photocopied music magazines into their blogs. Tavi Gevinson slamming into every single artsy teen girl like a brick. Grimes wriggling around on stage like a curious, pretty beetle.

I haven't had a scanner for a few years, which I'm sure would alarm the me of ten years ago. Shifting to digital art was an experiment, at first, but then it just became where I lived. And I like it a lot, but it seems sad to have left the clunky, choppy collage look so far behind. That crunchy stuff felt like a distilled essence of who I was on the inside. However, now I have a sketchbook that I draw in in pencil. Something is lost, maybe, but something is gained too. I am different, and I'm not. And I wish it could be either one. Either a totally new, emergent creature, or else the same old reliable freak forever. The cruellest reality is in the mix of the two.

Me, 2020.

Yet, this blog still exists. The past is real. And our memories are a constellation in blurred images. I think I should appreciate things more. I think the now that I have hold of is going to be something I'll miss, just like all those pasts that slide over each other in scales. Like plates of a hair shaft, flaking off and becoming the dust.

Me, this month.

Back-to-School Bunny! | Kawaii Box ♡ Review & Giveaway・°☆

✶✵ This post contains items gifted to me for review purposes. ✵✶

So I was sent another Kawaii Box, and this one, the September edition, is super interesting because not only have they gone for a "back to school" theme, but they've also made some of this stuff themselves! 

Not these Corocoro Coronya stickers though, that's Sanrio doing their powerful work and making a bread cat just for me. Extremely cute and powerful.

Naturally, we have some prime school supplies here: these gummi bear themed pencils, and an Amuse lipstick eraser.

Here are the Corocoro Coronya stickers inside their packaging, and my personal favourite thing, Sumikko Gurashi blueberry yogurt gummies. They're delicious. Japanese gummies absolutely knock me dead with how good they are. I need a year's supply. Please.

Now let's take a look at the in-house stuff from Blippo (creators of the Kawaii Box). You may have seen their cute, fun design aesthetic on the Kawaii Box itself, but here it comes to life on a cool notebook featuring a paper doll. Who is she?

Here she is again on a nice little luggage tag, and there's also a neat little folder which has a design featuring a bunch of stuff from previous kawaii boxes! I still have the fish charm (shown bottom right) attached to a backpack.

And finally, here we have Blippo's own sleepy bunny plush. Do not wake him.

It's really cool and interesting that this box features some specially-made Blippo items. The bunny, folder, notebook, and tag are all well made and designed. I also think the bunny may have secret powers...

Anyway, if you'd like to win your own Kawaii Box, please enter via the widget below!
Entry is open worldwide - good luck! :o

Sanrio Delights | Kawaii Box ♡ Review & Giveaway・°☆

✶✵ This post contains items gifted to me for review purposes. ✵✶


After reviewing the June edition of Blippo's Kawaii Box last month, they very kindly sent me the July box to check out too, so here are my big, important thoughts on that!

First of all, the fun thing about this edition is that it's Sanrio themed, so I was pretty excited to see a whole bunch of my favourite Sanrio characters in here! The standout item for me was the Little Twin Stars pouch (pictured above). It's so cute, and I have a soft spot for a cosy bag charm that can double up as a little extra space to store small things.


Next up, I found some Gudetama snacks. A powerful elixir. Restorative.


There also were some Little Twin Stars socks, which I have to rate highly if only for the little hands they have. Beautiful.


Another two things I loved were these matching sets of My Melody sticky notes and page markers. I use a lot of sticky notes, so I'm always very excited to see some of these, and it was really nice to get a little matching set like this. Extremely cute.


Next, there was some washi tape with a super cute and relaxing design. Another adorable and useful piece of stationery.


One of the cutest things in the box was this cat pen. Look at it. It's holding a beautiful little cheese. I wish the best for this cat. And lastly, we have some Hello Kitty sweets. They have a tasty strawberry filling - yum!

So overall it was a super enjoyable box of fun stuff, I like the sticky notes and pouch the most, and I hope that cat keeps its cheese forever. If you'd like to win your own Kawaii Box, please enter via the widget below (and perhaps you will obtain your own cheese - wow).