Hair Goals

Hair. Hair hair hair. My nemesis. I have to stop thinking of it that way. I definitely give too much thought to my hair (I treat it the same way you might treat an irritating younger brother - with disdain and plentiful eye rolling). I'm hoping to engineer a bit of a change in attitude to my hair, so let's talk about some goals I have regarding it.

Me during a brief bout of pink hair. That makes it sound like a disease. It's not a disease, it's hair dye ('Crazy Color - Fire' directly on dark blonde if you're curious).

The Hair Goals

I'm looking forward to seeing my hair get longer again. I have a tendency to reach a certain length and become sick of its limpness, but when I look back it never seems so bad. I'm a big fan of the ponytail, and having an all one length situation, so I think I should learn to appreciate the limp, straight look more. I mean, it looks fine on all those people in 1960s photographs, so why not me?

I'm definitely hyper-critical of my hair at times, and I need to focus on sticking to a few styles and tricks for variation and then just chilling out about the whole thing. Your hair just can't look good all the time, and that's okay. I recently found a nice little video about some cute hairstyles (Three Brigitte Bardot Hairstyles by Loepsie) and I want to try committing something like this to a small repertoire of hair awareness whilst maintaining a generally clean/neat hair level. That's the goal. A simple one that hopefully any fool, such as me, can achieve.

Most of all though, my goal is to fully realise that brushing my hair is the best thing for it. I see nice, tousled hairstyles and I think I can be cool by allowing my hair to be a big, unbrushed mess, but whilst that can sometimes work, it's good to remember that my hair generally just wants to be relatively flat - and flat, straight hair existing on my head looks so much neater and nicer when it's brushed. I don't know why I fear and avoid the hairbrush, but I need to conquer that and just brush my hair.

Cool Things

One part of improving my approach to hair has to be appreciating hair-related things more, so I'm going to detail some hair things I've been enjoying lately.

I've been wearing elasticated headbands recently to hold back hair as my fringe grows out, and I really like them. They're very comfortable and weirdly seem to actually look quite good, even though my entire forehead is out there declaring my chicken pox scar to the world. There's a neatness to it that just seems to improve my look, especially with the rest of my hair being allowed to flow freely. I really want to get some elasticated headbands with bows on them for added cuteness (examples below).

Another thing I'm really appreciating is the good old bobby pin (or kirby grip as we tend to say in the UK for reasons I am not privy to - although I've taken to calling them bobby pins because I like that name). It's a complete basic, but there are so many uses for one. I never seem to lose them either, so that's nice. Despite being a blonde person, I don't have any blonde ones, but I think the brown ones actually might be a better fit for my (dark blonde - I once heard it called 'the colour of dishwater' which is very flattering and will make me laugh forever) hair colour anyway.

I also sometimes feel very pleased and delighted to use a nice hair clip with a good proper hinge to it. It just feels really satisfying to open them and slide them into my hair, and I have some with Hello Kitty's face on them. Yes, my life is deeply exciting.

Diary: Soup & New Boots

I've got a tiny and beautiful new diary from Paperchase, and I love it. I've taken a long break from daily diary writing as sometimes it gets to be a bit boring and feel like a chore. It's good to take a break, or change what you're doing enough to make it fun again - I've come back with this new diary and I'm enjoying using this one because instead of the previous one-page-a-day diaries I've used, this one has two days to a page, and combined with a nice compact size, it just feels refreshing to write a concise little bit about my day.

It's almost more honest, because I'm forced to use only a few sentences. It's essentially a handwritten Twitter, I suppose. I've taken to putting some stickers in for extra visual flair. Good things that happened recently that I clearly needed to record include: getting some new boots, consuming soup, doing some doodles, and watching a bunch of YouTube videos.

I've been reminiscing a bit, getting back into old bands and old habits, feeling more and more invigorated and excited to create things, and enjoying some good old heavy rain falling onto my window in the night. What a relaxing sound that is (despite being pretty loud). It all feels nice.


I feel like I've been inside a dark, shadowy box for some time and have just emerged all of a sudden, perhaps through a chute. I keep getting this feeling over and over lately. Like I've just now come into existence. I'm not really sure why, or what it means. Maybe I've just been sleeping strangely, or listening to too much weird music. I feel like I've been looking into a kaleidoscope for a really long time. Like I've been inside a cocoon of whirling lights.

Maybe I've been trying a bit too hard to focus on everything. I've been taking in too much music, maybe, looking at too many tweets, trying to take too many cute photos instead of just letting all the ugly and blurry photos happen.

I have been making scans, and I'm happy about that, because there is something about scans that retains a certain kind of spontaneity and blurry, warpy messiness. They sometimes have quite a high quality feel to them, but they're never 100% pristine. They're always in some way touched by movement and wobbliness. That's why I love them so much and feel like they're such a good expression of myself. They're so reliable, yet always a little different and a little messy.

Honestly, they also look somewhat look I'm cocooned within them, so maybe it's a good visual representation of that feeling, or the feeling of bursting out into wakefulness, because they make me feel pleasantly and carelessly awake.

You Fool, You Coward

I love the way mindless painting can lend itself to strange parts of the imagination that pop up to surprise you. I like to paint a lot whilst watching something, or just whilst idly thinking as my brain switches to automatic mode. It's weird how far away from reality you can drift whilst doing something like painting.

I ended up painting two circles who then became planets. One is a plucky young planet ready to take on the universe, and the other is a cowboy, inexplicably. Please respect the cowboy planet.

I've been painting in some of my largest notebooks, and I always feel like I have to do something different with the compositions when I use them. There's so much space, it almost feels a bit too vast, but it's always good to switch around and do something slightly different whenever possible to promote a certain amount of flexibility. Painting big things and drawing small things.

Here's some mess:

4 Movies I Watched This Month (+ 1 Movie I Hated)

I've been watching movies a lot recently. I decided to start watching movies I hadn't seen from IMDB's top 250 list, and I also found a YouTube archive of Korean movies dating from as far back as the 1930s (KoreanFilm channel), so those two things have shaped a sort of weird trajectory through film that I have been hurtling through lately.

The Godfather (1972)

The first film I watched from IMDB's top 250 list was The Godfather. This is one I'd been meaning to watch for a long time, and I can see why it's held in such high esteem. It was easily the most compelling film of the ones in this post. The narrative is sprawling and has an almost slice-of-life feel with all the characters in the family and some really well-constructed moments of tension.

I chose this screenshot from the section in Italy because I thought the shot was really pretty, but also that section of the film is perhaps one of the most interesting. There's an ethereal quality to it in some places.

Crazy For You (진짜 진짜 좋아해, 1977)

This was the first film I watched on KoreanFilm. I had no idea what to expect and simply clicked on the first film listed. It was interesting, especially in its first half, telling the story of a schoolgirl with a bicycle meeting a marathon runner and basically having some banter with him. She also has a little brother who is quite fun.

Unfortunately, the second half becomes so overly dramatic that I couldn't take it seriously. It feels like a Shakespearean tragedy in the way that the characters' actions just make absolutely no sense. What I like most about this film has to be the cinematography. There are some lovely shots through flowers and such, as pictured above, and we get some good sporty 1970s outfits too.

The Harmonium in My Memory (내 마음의 풍금, 1999)

This is another 1970s Korean film I watched on KoreanFilm, and has quite a similar feel to Crazy For You, despite the fact that this is a 1990s production. Harmonium is set in a small village in the 1960s and is based a real semi-autobiographical novel by Ha Geun-chan. One thing this film does really well is to portray the rural setting. It feels very real, and the characters are very interesting within this world. The entire film is pretty much about a very child-like 17 year old girl who becomes infatuated with her new teacher, whilst he simultaneously becomes infatuated with another new teacher.

I really enjoyed how the film uses music and LPs as a connective theme. We have characters bonding over Connie Francis records, characters singing idly to themselves, and a character who spends almost the entire film asking, "what's an LP?" 1960s music as a connective device fits the film very well, and ultimately it's a nice study of the village and it's characters. Lee Byung-hun is charming as the male lead.

This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

This film is so bad. I only watched it out of Adam Driver related curiosity, but it was not a good decision. The story follows a man as he immediately finds his wife cheating on him with his boss, and shortly after discovers his dad has died. He then has to spend an extended period of time with his family - all of whom are inevitably dysfunctional, teeming with explosive relationship problems, and apparently desperately cloying at their past whilst in their hometown. The best scene is the one where Tina Fey punches a guy.

It seems like the film is trying to carry this message of how there's a poetry to everyone's mistakes and how cyclical yet unexpected life can be. That there's beauty and opportunity and love to be found in chaos and disaster and pain. That's the feeling I think it's trying to communicate, but in my opinion it does this really poorly by having its characters more or less treat each other with no regard and no humanity. It's just a conveyor belt of horrible things. A desperate attempt to cling on to some kind of emotional brevity amongst a familial and personal hellscape, with some sad puerile humour as a veil over the misery and hatefulness.

This kind of film-making seems like a huge trend. I've seen so many films and TV shows that tread in the same sad puddle, and personally I find it nothing but miserable to watch. Its attempts at a kind of knowing, wry humour fall behind the genuine callousness and emptiness shown as the characters use and abuse each other. I think one movie that went for this style and actually succeeded in making itself uplifting, genuinely funny, and endearing whilst using a narrative of dysfunction was Obvious Child (also released in 2014). I recommend watching that instead of this.

Gamiss Valentine's Day Sale Wishlist: 10 Cute Dresses

✶✵ This is a post made in partnership with Gamiss and includes affiliate links. ✵✶

Are you ready for another wishlist? Well, Gamiss are having a Valentine's Day sale and have asked me to curate a wishlist for them, so I decided to choose my ten favourite dresses from their dress section, because I guess I'm in a dress mood.

1. Floral Print Plunging Mini Wrap Dress - $13.20

I know it's still winter, but somehow the new year has conjured this strange summery feeling within me. It is to be feared, probably, but it mostly results in me coveting a lot of florals and light dresses like this. This is a nice, flowy mini dress, and the colour is nice and bright (and may make you attractive to bees).

2. Mesh Panel Dress - $11.16

I love me a simple A-line dress, and there's something about mesh/sheer panels that I like a lot too. I really like the way this dress incorporates mesh panels into an otherwise flat colour dress. It looks smart, cool, and a little bit futuristic.

3. Colour Block Maxi Dress - $15.99

This one might be wishful thinking, as I suspect I would look very short and odd somehow if I were to wear this, but I think it's such a cool design. I love the two-tone situation here and how it comes together. It's almost like two very large napkins have been folded together in a harmonious metaphor for the marriage of light and dark. Sort of.

4. Button Up Spaghetti Strap Striped Dress - $12.69

This is another interesting choice. I have always liked and enjoyed shirt dresses, and the addition of spaghetti straps and cut out shoulders on this one are really intriguing to me. I love the sweetheart neckline and the bow around the middle. There's something very cute about it.

5. Black & White Maxi Dress - $14.21

I don't want to say anything about this one, because looking at it is its own reward.

6. Back Cut Out Chiffon Floral Dress - $12.43

I love the delicate, sheer look this has. It looks like a very wedding-y dress, and the open back area and ribbon tie on the back of the dress are lovely.

7. Striped Bodycon Mini Dress - $10.40

This is a nice and simple striped dress that looks super cute and comfy. I am always drawn to stripes. I think they hypnotise me.

8. V Neck Knitted Pleated Dress - $24.28

The shape of this is really cool, combining a kind of ballet dress look with 1920s elements. I like the pleats a lot, as well as the ribbon. Man, I love ribbons. Cover me in ribbons.

9. Drop Waist Floral Print Dress - $13.93

This dress is really unique, and I love the central floral print. It's bold, it's pretty, and there's a modern yet classic feel to it.

10. Bodycon Skew Neck Dress - $14.54

Last but not least, here's a comfy looking and super long bodycon dress. This one is simple yet flattering with its solid colour and nice asymmetrical sleeves. Set your shoulder free, but only one of them. The other one is a bad shoulder who must be punished.


This was a fun and cheerful list to compile. Please tell me which dress you like the most. Also, how many bows is acceptable in one outfit? Is it two? Seven? Three hundred and twenty six?


Okay, this is not an instructional post. I'm reflecting. Like a huge, wobbly mirror (with wild hair). Something has made me feel excited. Maybe it's just making more blog posts and YouTube videos again, taking complete and absolute hold of me, worming its way in the way it always does. I'm not sure why it is that it can burrow so deep, but seeing videos of people I've met once or twice - going to parties, making content, laughing with their friends until their lungs hurt, filming late night introspective talks, arranging their fairy lights, making snide references to disliked well-known YouTubers - seeing all this stuff makes me feel incredibly real and forever buzzing, bee-like, into something new.

I see all this progression, excitement, friendship, growth, and endless jokes in dim lighting and cameras spinning with laughter, and it all makes me think - where am I right now? What am I doing? What's happening?

I've realised I'm still someone who gets that dreaded comment, "you're really quiet, aren't you?" And whilst these days I take it with its intended warmth (I feel like often when people say that they're kind of trying to reassure you and connect with you), it feels like a challenge. A note on who I am right now. A reminder of who I have been, and the twinkling future with a shadowy form. I admire so many people, and see so much, and I want to take it all and hold it in my chest and become something better. I want to be a good person, a better person, an exciting and vivacious type. The person you can tell terrible jokes to and share your fears with. The person wearing glitter and huge crab claws at a party.

So here's me now, thinking all of this:

And I promise I will do my best.

Maybe I'll be able to look back on this post and see something, some difference in me, perhaps next year, or in two years, or in six months. For the sake of comparison, then, I'll list my follower and subscriber count, which on this blog is (as of writing) 7008, and on YouTube, 1873. I'm going to try and pour so much into these spaces, but also into the entire concept of self-documentation and into my relationships and creativity overall. Whatever happens, I'm sure it will be great.

Meanwhile, here's a screenshot of a draft video file, because I thought it was funny, and below is a list of YouTubers who make me want to be a better human in various ways:

Diogenes The Vlog
Rosianna Halse Rojas
Jon Aitken
Tessa Violet
Francesca Georgiou
Lucy Moon
Craig Simmonds
Daniel J. Layton
Peter Draws