★ Lilly Ashton ★: "restless and blood-filled"

I want my diary to be more honest and open and of-the-thought/stream of consciousness and more scrapbooky too. I want to post everything onto the internet even if it is embarrassing or I repeat myself or I feel really differently about something afterwards. It's a sort of exercise in revoking privacy in a sense, although obviously I can choose what I write in the first place. This outpouring of oneself is a thing I find really fascinating about the internet. Tumblr accounts and aliases and teen angst set free online. The fact that I attach my real name to these diaries changes things too. I wonder how my friends/people I know feel when they read about themselves or see drawings of themselves here.

I had a diary for a very brief amount of time at about 15 years old, in a little pink notebook adorned with cute animals and a little toy lock to ensure the utmost secrecy. My mum immediately read it and offered me advice about a boy I was sad about. I was humiliated and destroyed the notebook, vowing never to keep a diary again. I still feel a bit sick thinking about it. The emotional turmoil of teendom still feels fresh and stinging when I remember it. Mind you, I suppose 6 years ago wasn't very long ago.

It is interesting to think about how different my current diary is to that little pink one. I wish I still had it, but I suspect that if I still had it I'd wish I didn't.

So, in conclusion, diary goals:

force all of my feelings uncomfortably upon the internet
post everything regardless of embarrassment
be human

I went to see Josie Long's pre-fringe show at The Hen And Chickens with Mark and it was really lovely and she dropped a piece of paper and I gave it back to her and I love her