Starting Invisalign (naughty teeth go in the punishment tray)

Well, I'm on tray #2 of my Invisalign ~journey~ and I suppose that's a good time to start posting about it. I got my first tray on the 8th of December after deliberating for some time. I felt kinda bad for betraying my wonky teeth by straightening them, but now I've been wearing Invisalign for two weeks, all my worries and guilty feelings have melted away and been replaced by a dull toothache that makes it impossible to eat cheese toasties.

That unruly front tooth is about to be put in its place.

Sacrifice #1: cheese toasties.

Thankfully, the trays only hurt for the first few days of wearing them (for me, at least), so for the most part I can eat whatever I want. I try to avoid very hard foods though. And I've stopped drinking tea, because it just takes too long. Everything has to be part of a meal, which I expected to be challenging since I'm usually the biggest snacker in the world, but actually I'm finding it really easy, and if anything it's making me appreciate meals more and probably eat more too (I have a bad habit of putting off eating when I'm busy doing something).

"they call me Johnny two trays"

For now I've only been given two sets of trays, so when another two weeks passes I'll have to go back to my dentist to get more. I can't tell a difference between the two, but my teeth can certainly feel the difference. There's a weird satisfaction that comes with the ache of new trays - you know it's working.

The first trays I had were so embarrassingly hard to remove at first. I thought all my nails were going to break off trying to get them off. Thankfully now it is super easy. I think you just have to get the knack for it and then it becomes almost fun clipping them in and out. Well, maybe that's going too far.

Sorry these are gross, but these are my first set of trays (photo taken a few hours after I changed to tray set #2).

I definitely already want to start changing them quicker (two weeks for each set of trays feels so long), and I'm excited for the eventual release of my teeth (free them), but so far it's been pretty good. It's more proof that I'm really good at sticking to deadlines. These things are on my teeth for the recommended 22 hours a day no matter how much I miss having 4-5 cups of tea a day. As Christmas and New Year are coming up soon, I'll be testing how possible it is to get moderately drunk whilst sticking to the allotted time slots. Catch me with a stopwatch in one hand and a gin and tonic in the other!

The sun is doing a lot here to mask the true level of wonky my teeth possess. Thank you sun.

KIM JONGHYUN & the peculiar space of living

It's strange, to say the least, to wake up and remember that one of your biggest idols and inspirations is gone. When something is so suddenly different it seems to take a while for it to sink in. You keep expecting to see them, and for it all to have been a dream. I'm in and out of this weird, unreal dream. Jonghyun can't really be gone, right?

Still from SHINee's '1 of 1' music video.

That's what I feel most of all, ebbing and flowing as I go about my day normally, but everything is coated in this strangeness. It makes me think of how everyone exists with this perception, no, this feeling, of their own lives. I see countless tributes, fans tweeting about trying to hold themselves together at work, others posting old videos and their favourite memories of him. There's this collective mourning, of course, but at the same time it's like everyone is drifting around on their own paths like moths in a dusty attic.

It all reminds me of how disconnected it's possible to be from others within a community, a culture, a family, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm not real, or like no one can really perceive me. This is hard to explain, but I mean that since you truly only have your own consciousness, you are the only one that perceives yourself or that truly knows and feels yourself in that way. I am the only person who can be inside my own head and relating everything to myself. I think it would be easy to drop away from being present in the awareness of almost any other human being. Most people I'll ever meet or speak to will forget about me. How many people have already forgotten?

Now, I don't say this to be sad. I think we construct our own relationships with everything and everyone around us. It is up to us to make and maintain those relationships and our own perceptions of ourselves and links to the world around us. I hope expressing this strange feeling of being the lone person who is fully connected to myself doesn't come across as negative. To me it's just a facet of reality, and doesn't mean you're not deeply connected to others, but I guess it makes sense that this feeling of displacement is heightened after a shocking loss.

Living really is a strange thing, and I feel like I am in a strange place in the aftermath of Jonghyun's death. I still have an endless hope directed towards self-improvement. I want to do my best, whatever kind of space I occupy in this world and in my own head. I'll try my best, for Jonghyun.

Small & Perfect Things

I am writing this blog post while listening to Devo (the 1982 'Oh, No! It's Devo!' album) so obviously I am in the greatest state of mind possible and I have ascended into that magical state of being that can only truly be induced by Devo. I thought I'd make a nice post about some of the things I've been enjoying recently, because it's nice to take a moment to appreciate things, and lately I've been thinking about that a bit. I guess it's a 'favourites' post.

With the end of the year looming it's a natural time of ~reflection~ and I feel a strange kind of peaceful happiness within me. I think this year has been really good, and as always I want to keep improving in various facets of my life (making sure my room looks tidy, doing projects & experimenting, learning new things, and trying to make my hair look like less of a disaster), BUT it's also been really good in terms of being happy with things and accepting my flaws, limitations, and experiences for what they are. Like in scaling back my blogging here, for example. It's allowed me to take a more casual and maybe more genuine, exciting, and variable approach to this blog. In some ways I feel I can express myself more fully this way. It's nice.

Let's talk about beer for a moment. I was never really much of a beer person until relatively recently, but I have found myself enjoying different ales more and more. This beer with a cool owl on the bottle is 'Hitachino Nest' and I really like its flavour. It's a delicious white ale that tastes gentle but flavoursome. I'm not great at describing beer but IT'S GOOD. Found in Marks & Spencer in a very interesting beer aisle.

One thing I always enjoy is paint water. The way it changes colour as you paint your thing like a big and wet mood ring. I love it. Here's a nice shade of green from a recent painting session. I always like to enjoy the process of painting or making any kind of art as much as possible, and paint water is definitely a part of that. I like to watch the colour swirling away when I pour it out (this is enhanced by some of my paints which have a little bit of glitter in them). It's a nice visceral pleasure.

I've also been enjoying these miniature perfume bottles. I check Magic Freebies (UK) for free perfume samples every so often to get these. So far I have collected these two (Gabrielle by Chanel, Modern Muse by Estée Lauder), and Concrete by Comme des Garçons (a unisex scent). I really enjoy trying out different perfumes and it's nice to have these tiny little sample spray bottles. They're very cute and they make nice clinking sounds (yes, clinking sounds are the kind of things that truly make me contented in life).

So those are some nice things I've been enjoying lately. Of course there are lots of other small things to enjoy, so I hope that you notice those things and take some time to enjoy and appreciate them too. If you'll excuse me, I have to go and spray three perfumes on myself all at once now.

Note: if you do use Magic Freebies, please be careful as a lot of the offers aren't strictly just free items. I personally like to stick to the perfume samples as they generally have no catch or sign ups needed - you just enter your address and receive a sample in most cases.