Remembering

Sometimes I like thinking about the organisational mechanics that would take place after I die. Maybe this is partly because I love watching true crime YouTubers (specifically Stephanie Harlowe, and sometimes Georgia Marie) and the way they meticulously go through the histories and daily movements of the people involved. I like to imagine someone describing my life, my stuff, my relationships, etc, with the same considered voice. Here's a story pieced together through objects and movements, and other people's memories. I imagine someone going through all the things I own and gathering an idea of who I am. There's something calming about it. What can you make of me through all the files on my computer? Am I an interesting person? A good one? Or am I just a jumble of things? It's a really compelling thought to me.

I was looking through an account I use periodically for file storage, and I found these old photos. A black and white film I put in my old Diana Mini to shoot, apparently, blurs and flowers. Some distorted, cute, and cared for memories, placed neatly into a folder and saved for later. Sometimes I want to burn all these things. Imagine deleting all of your files, getting rid of all your belongings, maybe deleting your memory entirely. Wipe yourself clean. It's not possible for a whole person, but it is possible for files, which is kinda fun. Still, you're always "who you are" I guess, and that's a strange thing to tangle your thoughts around sometimes.

How have I been a person for so long? It seems like everything is always changing so much. Putting myself together in my mind like a puzzle piece from old memories and artefacts, yeah, it kinda makes me worry - am I really someone worthwhile? Can I trust my memories/experiences/beliefs? Who is this weird little person? Maybe I don't know myself any better than someone would looking back on disjointed evidence of my life. Maybe that's a good thing.

Anyway, check out these photos from 2016 - a thousand years ago, before I rose from the lake one misty night.