Baby Mode

I was once, like all of you, a baby. It's true! And when I was a baby (and in fact, for many years after that), there was a hilarious joke about this gorilla being my mother. A good gag. 

That's her!

As you can see, she is a very beautiful gorilla. Sadly, I look nothing like her. I look more like this baby:

Me (the baby), and my dad (the man).

It's strange and wonderful to think that I was once a little wriggling blonde orb. I mean, who would've though that this very baby would go on to one day read Les Misérables?! Unthinkable...

I think human beings should be born with the solidified ability to run already built in. I know we need to be expelled rapidly because of our big, stupid heads full of brain, but surely the legs could be ready to go? Surely the legs could be operational at that stage? It takes another nine to eighteen months on average after a baby leaves the womb for those legs to be walkable. That's really wrong I think. We need to fix this.

If I had it my way, babies would be walking around from day one, and that way they would get their best start in life. Walking leads to intellectual pursuits. Walking, then thinking, then reading, then essay-writing. This is the correct order. And then, once they have written their very first dissertation, a baby may enjoy an episode of Bluey for the first time.

And then, only the strongest and cleverest babies can cuddle with a troll. That's the way it should be. 

She's scared!