I Don't Wanna Do Anything

I woke up today feeling a bit stinky. No blog post queued up, and a frightening list of potential tasks awaiting me, I'm thinking: eww. I don't wanna do anything. Can I not just play video games for six hours? Yesterday I began a new playthrough of Final Fantasy VIII, the greatest game ever made on this sick Earth, and the bliss of it was immense.

Why yes, I am Quistis's chouchou.

I love that world so much (and I'm playing it in French, so I'm enjoying all the linguistic tidbits available to me). I now have two Irvine Kinneas Steam Trading Cards. I must collect the rest. My cards.

If you happen to have the other character cards, consider trading them to me.

But I will diligently attempt my tasks and habits and such. I'm doing it right now by writing this post! See - I'm so capable!

I read Zaph's post on routine, and something about it just put me in a determined state. I like the idea of "leaving a treat for future you" that they mentioned - segmenting yourself into the current you (the parent) and the future you (the daughter) is a strikingly effective way of motivating yourself to do something you're just squirming on the edge of. That Maggie Simpson "do it for her" inspirational image but it's just future me. It's not cute Maggie Simpson. It's me.

Imagine this but with an older and more elegant me.

I'll share with you some of my LIST OF TASKS:

1. edit video (yawn, dreading this one because I have a big long video file)
2. write a new Patreon video
3. make a blog post (doing it right now)
4. make a lot of drawings and queue them
5. write a short about Blogger (I need to widen my reach and get TikTok users to make blogs) 

A veritable list of challenges that reminds one of being lost in the Minotaur's labyrinth, no? But I will do this, and then I will permit myself perhaps three hours of Final Fantasy. This is the way.

Crucially, one must allow oneself (I'm speaking as the queen does - did) some grace. At some point the agonising about having not done x thing becomes your greatest enemy. That's the Minotaur, chasing you down, cornering you in that labyrinth. You know about the Minotaur.

This Pompeii graffiti is about me getting stuck in the labyrinth of my own mind, probably - from Mazes and Labyrinths: A General Account of their History and Developments by W.H. Matthews (1922), via the Public Domain Image Archive.

So like, just chill and slack off. And then give it another shot in an hour, for your beautiful future self. Your most precious darling.