Unpublished Draft Posts: 'Mega Draft'

I have had a draft post sitting at the top of my blogger post dashboard for over a year now, entitled 'Mega Draft'. I used to use it to jot things down whenever I had a blog-related idea. A concept, a title, a paragraph, or just something I was thinking about at that moment but never really wanted to publish. Since I never really use it any more (I usually keep a to-do list in a notepad document and I note down blog post ideas and tasks in there), I decided I'd unleash my mega draft more or less as it is. So here are various bits and pieces of ideas and jumbled thoughts from the past year or so. Consider this a celebratory unleashing to welcome 2017.

***

Power Rangers & Depersonalisation

I kept thinking today that nothing is real. All we do is see things and touch things and interpret them, but like, nothing is real. Everything is just a life kaleidoscope of our inputs. Our senses wrap things up in neat little parcels of reality, but none of that is real. I mean, yes, it's real in a sense. The concept of reality is a thing. Fine. But sometimes I feel like I'm not really me. Or like I'm one Power Ranger in one of those big combined Megazords they made together. Just watching stuff happen from the Megazord foot, or something.

I'm not sure if, in this context, I even want to be real. Maybe it's fine to be unreal instead. Maybe it's better. I don't know. All I know right now is that I kinda wish I was a Power Ranger.

***

love poem

the only love is between me and you, us two candles glowing in the dark with tick-tocking hearts and beeping and that noise a dog makes when it needs you. that's you and me and our universe shuddering and shifting because we're inside this ballroom of stars all alone and dancing and shivering. no one else is here or ever has been. everything else is some lie, a sliver, a thread, a crack trying to make it through time and light. but you can't crack a star or the light that echoes across space. you can't thread through a constellation. it's there or it's not. we're there. you're not. bye.

***

Trouser Trouble

Hands up if you take off your trousers as soon as you get home and lie down in a post-trouser trance, blissful at the release of your legs. Yeah, me too. I was thinking about my trouser feelings and I realised, I kinda hate trousers. Don't get me wrong, sometimes they are necessary, and sometimes they are the right and perfect thing that I need, but most of the time, nah.

Most of the times when I'm not in the mood for a skirt, I put on some leggings. I generally find that they're much more flexible and comfortable than trousers, I generally find, but they have their own problems. The saggy knee thing is probably the worst.

***

Growing Up

What does growing up mean? We have big arbitrary lines for crossing over into ADULTHOOD but I've been an Official Adult for ages and I have felt like something of a different person every year since then. I have changed a lot but also not really changed at all. I am the same annoyed person with braces and skinny jeans and Noel Edmonds hair as I was at 14, but my hair is longer, I don't wear skinny jeans any more (they feel too restrictive), and I have free and slightly wonky teeth. But who am I? What is growing up, even? What?

I feel like there are fundamental things that define the big Growing Up, so puberty and growing out of your naivete and learning to love cheesy pop music (ok, I mean, that was a particular thing that happened to me when I transitioned from enjoying all the emo bands to enjoying straight up pop and r n b forever, thank u, yes I do kinda love Britney now).

What I'm trying to say here is that there are some big things that push you over the boulder into adulthood for the first time, but then once you're there, there are hundreds and thousands of smaller, slower things that will keep changing who you are a little bit forever. I mean some people don't seem to change at all. Actually, I think those who do change a lot kinda seem the same because they are fundamentally the same person, so there might be a lot of changes but they have always been and always will be THEM. You know? I don't know.

***

How To Plait Your Hair When You're Useless

Twisty plaits are an easy alternative, or these cool graduated hairbands style that makes your hair looks like a series of balls (nice). That actually reminds me of all the low poly models in PS1 games - definitely a look I'm into.

Baby Crow Paintings

There's something about painting birds that I really like. They've got a lot of great shapes to them. So I had to paint some of my favourite ambassadors of the night - crows. But some little, small baby versions. I went for a kind of inky style, since that gives some texture to the paint and creates a nice, slightly ethereal and spooky vibe, which is appropriate for these sweet little scavengers. Using a lot of water also helps to create shadowy areas so that they're dark enough in tone without compromising on depth of shading.

Crows are such beautiful birds.

Scanner Adventures: Painting Edition

I have no idea why I've never done this until now, but I finally painted one of my scans and I love the way it turned out. The scan came from this post, "Walking Journals", and I picked one with a slight distortion because I thought that might be fun to paint, and I was curious about how it would look. Funnily enough, I think the distortion kinda allows me to be less precise because I know I don't have to get the proportions exactly right to make it look correct - given that it's not a correctly arranged face in the first place. So it feels quite forgiving to paint an already distorted image.

I also think the use of blue and yellow looks nice, but I guess I always enjoy painting with those colours. I love blue, because even in its vividness it retains some sense of depth and calm.

Blippo Wishlist ☆ Cute Stationery & Accessories

Many cute things can be found on Blippo, as you might know from previous reviews I've done with them, but this time I thought I'd just pick out a few of my favourite things from their website and bask in all their delightfulness that way. So here are some of the best things on Blippo right now.

1. Peep Out Animal Sticky Notes Set (£1.85)

These are super adorable and you can get them in lots of different animal designs, so you can fill your books and notebooks with a whole menagerie of curious creatures if you so desire.

2. Summer Fruits Stickers (£1.45)

Next up is a sticker set featuring lots of delicious and happy fruits, because who doesn't need smiling fruit stickers in their life? Stick them on all your most critical documents, that's my advice.

3. Animal Friend Mini Backpack (£7.97)

If you need a nice and small backpack to store some kind of priceless gem or heirloom in, I highly recommend this sweet bunny one. Bunnies are known to be very protective of precious items. I know, I met a bunny once and confirmed it, so you can trust me.

4. Pastel Polka Dots Ribbon Hair Band (£3.06)

I've been thinking a lot about cute hair accessories and ribbons lately, and I love this perfectly lovely bow hair band. For only the cutest scalps.

5. Sweets & Snacks Shop Stickers (£1.53)

Another set of stickers to jazz up anything that needs jazzing up, these snacky designs are a great gift to give to anyone you know who is a big food fan. Yes, I am talking about myself here. I usually am.

Diary: Sleepy Fog

Lately I've been painting lots and doing Christmas things and, of course, watching more of The Walking Dead. It's been good.

I've been adding some important and necessary stuff to my scrapbook, and I've been painting miscellaneous backgrounds and shapes as much as I can, because they're always useful, and I've been napping a lot. Maybe it's the cold that makes me sleepy.

I guess mindless painting is a thing I like to do when I do feel tired or drained in any way, because it's still easy, it doesn't really require any planning or thought, and it makes me feel satisfied. I can do it really quickly even if I'm already sleepy.

It got really foggy over the weekend and I think fog is some of my favourite weather, because it's just so strange and cool looking. It makes me feel very relaxed and a bit awestruck. I've been wearing every jumper and nestling underneath blankets a lot, and having a lot of naps with all the jumpers and blankets and other warm things.

Even though I feel extra sleepy and extra cold, it feels nice.

Ultimate List Of Comforting Things ☆

I find it really helpful to keep a list like this of all sorts of things that can cheer me up and comfort me and make me happy in different ways, so that whenever I feel a bit down I can go through it and try them and be reminded of all the things I like the most. So here is a big list of all the best things that make me happy. I strongly advise keeping your own list of comforting things like this for whenever you might need it. It helps at least to distract yourself with endless possibilities and to remind yourself of why you won't always feel sad or negative.

• the most soft and huggable cuddly toys, blankets, or warm jumpers
• familiar and nice smells - perfume, herbal tea, lavender, a really good soup
• colour and paint, or painting and making collages roughly and rapidly
• trinkets, memories, tiny jewellery and keepsakes
• being comfy, clean, and tidy, or rearranging some things
• wholesome memes, cute animal pictures, cute jokes in general
• taking pictures or doing something that makes the preset moment special somehow
• my scrapbook - looking through it and adding things
• the moon and it's serene glow, the sky and all its clouds and colours, or anything gentle and natural
• making or completing lists - lists of things to be grateful for or tasks to complete
• playlists or music that always me happy, like SHINee
• making mood boards or collecting inspiration, making plans
• finding a new TV show or movie to watch
• putting a big coat or borrowed cardigan on indoors, or to take a walk
• taking a hot bath
• eating lots of tasty vegetables, mealy leftovers, or some chocolate
• sleeping (sometimes a midday nap is the best thing)
• learning something, watching something, or writing something

Topshop Wishlist: Winter Things & Cute Dresses

I've been wanting to get some new cold weather clothing (particularly a nice new jumper or two) for a little while now, and I will probably head out to pick up some stuff post-Christmas so that I can survive January better, but I thought I'd browse Topshop's website for a little inspiration, and here's what I found. Some items are a little less winter relevant, but, well, it's all fun.

1. MOTO Embroidered Borg Jacket (£85)

I'm kinda, maybe, possibly interested in getting a smaller, lighter jacket for those middling temperatures, although in reality there's rarely a good opportunity for me to wear these, so maybe not, but I liked this cosy looking denim jacket with a fleecy lining and cute floral embroidered detail.

2. PETITE Embroidered Panda Sweatshirt by Tee & Cake (£35)

I saw this and thought it was the cutest thing. It's nice to have a sweet little design on your jumper to cheer you up a bit when your nose is turning into an icicle.

3. Knot Front Dress (£24)

Now, I know this dress is not very appropriate for cold weather, but I've been admiring simple spaghetti strap dresses like this for a while. They're so easy to throw on and they look adorable. The knot detail on this one makes it look a little bit more interesting whilst still being quite cute and easy.

4. Floral Velvet Flippy Dress (£42)

I love this dress because it just about sits on that line between smart and casual. It's also the perfect kind of dress shape that I like, and the floral pattern is nice without being too busy. It's the kind of all-weather dress that I can wear at every time of year and pair with almost anything.

5. Low Back Velvet Skater Dress (£22)

Again, this dress has the perfect shape to it for me, and I also really like a low back on a dress. I like the texture of the velvet with this colour and I'd quite like to get something in this pink because it's such a nice and soft colour, yet almost a neutral (and I love neutrals a lot).

☆☆☆

So those are a few favourites from my current browsing session. Clearly I enjoy flowers and pandas. Truly two of the most beautiful things in the world.

Bunny, Boy, Cat

Here are some very small paintings that I made.

Some more tiny friends to add to my collection.

My Mother, The Gorilla

When I was little my mum always used to say this big cuddly toy gorilla was my real mum. Obviously we do have quite a resemblance, and I love my mother, the gorilla. What a nice and very cuddly mother she was.

She was always proud of me. Thanks mum.

We had some great times.

Tweety may or may not be my brother.

Journal: Night Sky

I've been doing quite a bit of slightly watery painting lately, so these journal pages have that slightly dreamy painted look, and I wrote a bit about stars and skies (because I love both of those things a lot).

So many of my paint splodgy pages end up looking like the sky somehow. Just nice mixes of colours and opacity. I love paint and I love the sky, but it's funny how they can be similar. It's nice.

You can see my printer ink is running low from the Onew pictures I collaged above (because I just love SHINee a lot, okay), but I like how it limits the palette to all these blues and oranges. I love printing an imperfect image, something flawed and imbalanced. It makes that iteration of the image unique. I don't know, it makes pictures seem special to me.

Once again, I love colours and the way paint moves and blends like a cloud. Also there's a bunny.

Magazine Collages: Held

Wine and ribbons? Yes, okay, I suppose these collages are a little bit Christmassy. There's plenty of indulgent and subtly creepy winter imagery to be found near Christmas, so I guess December is a good time for collaging. It's certainly a good time to locate a wine glass that is significantly bigger than the hand you'll be clutching it with of an evening.

One collage element I'm always happy to find is a holding hand. All collage elements yearn to be held, unlike most of the (rude and ungrateful) cats I have met in my life.

Attn. cats: don't shun me.

Don't Trust The Internet

Whenever there's a power cut it's a bit like being thrown into an alternate universe. A world of darkness and confusion. The scramble to find your candles ensues and you sit for a while in the glow of a world changed. Until the lights come back on within ten minutes and everything goes back to normal. Most of us don't have power cuts too often, although we have some awareness of how much they can affect us, but the internet? My internet connection goes missing on a weekly basis, and sometimes more frequently. I've spent days both at home and in other people's houses pushing through an endlessly stuttering connection to get something done online.

My life has become so intertwined with the internet over the years. I signed up for Myspace, YouTube, Habbo Hotel, LiveJournal, Facebook, Bebo, and who knows what other forgotten websites in the mid and late 00s. We had our first laptop at home in around 2007 (I was a little later than many of my classmates). My adolescence was inescapably online.

Who would I even be without the internet? I was exposed to various pieces of creativity and subcultures that I wouldn't have otherwise known about. I found new music I loved. I had strange friendships with people from across the sea. I read gossipy confessions on pop culture and spend ages perfecting the glitter graphics and HTML scroll boxes adorning my various online homes. And back then the connection was even more unstable than it is now.

Lately I've been feeling a little more distanced from the internet. Not in a bad way, but I just feel more aware of how sometimes things online become substitutes for real life practices. Online intimacy is everywhere. We share so much with strangers, and I love that. I love being able to connect with people I don't know, people from around the world even. I will never stop being excited when someone from, I don't know, Russia, Brazil, or Japan visits my blog. It's the coolest thing. But no matter how important and amazing what you can find and do online is, it's not real life. Or maybe more accurately it's only one section of real life. Even though I'm probably posting more things more consistently and frequently than ever right now, I want to make sure that I am present in my offline reality too.

Sometimes it's hard. I mean, the first thing I do when I wake up (okay, after I brush my teeth) is open my laptop to look at something, to say something, to see what everyone's up to. There are so many thoughts to look at, and sometimes a nice picture of a dog. It's like reading the morning paper, but with more dogs. And that's nice, but what if it were to disappear? What if it were to collapse upon us? No one wants to be stranded in a world without cute dogs. That's why I think it's so important to try and be present in your life. Because when there's a power cut I feel excited to light the candles, and I think, maybe this could be alright - maybe I could cope with the death of all electrical lamps - but when the internet goes down I guess it's much more emotional than that. My personality and identity are online in so many ways. I want to know that I could live without it, even though I love it. I want to know that I value other things just as much and can do creative things, learn stuff, and talk to people just as much offline. I want to be sure that if the internet goes down, for however long, I can go and watch the clouds move across the sky instead and be just fine.

I know that if the internet ever dies, people will still be walking their adorable dogs down the path that runs alongside the train lines. So I know where to find cute dogs. I know I can write journals and smile at strangers and eat soup and have fun in a million ways without being online. The internet can be so great, but it's not everything, and I want to make sure I remember that.

Journal: Dog!

Here are some scribbly and inconsequential journal pages. Lately I'm trying be sweeping and free and doodly a lot just so that I use more pages and flow from drawing to drawing a bit more and get that feeling again like I'm a little kid colouring outside the lines and not caring. And I found that one of my journals had sort of strange paper - it's nice and thick and grainy for painting on, but I can't stick anything to it with glue. I'm thankful for the existence of tape so I can stick things down that way (because I need collage to live). Limitations are good for creativity, though, even if that contradicts my previous promotion of wide open fields of creative freedom. But that's partially what prompted me to try for the mud pie scribbling approach.

I'm writing little notes to myself a bit more too. Little spells and nonsense letters, because I like to give my journal some secret half-stories. A tiny history nestled inside the chaos.

How To Love Your Ugly Teeth

It's pretty normal to dislike something about yourself, right? It's also pretty normal to focus on one particular thing about the way you look and worry about it, unfortunately, but that's why I'm writing this post for everyone with crooked teeth, yellow teeth, damaged teeth, or any kind of teeth that cause worry or sadness. Here's why you should be able to appreciate and love your teeth, despite all of the things that big you about them.

These are my teeth:

I worry that they look incredibly unhealthy and weird, mostly because of that one guy who sticks out in my upper teeth and casts a shadow over the others. I worry that dirt and bacteria is being ruthlessly trapped between my most crooked teeth and that they're going to like, actually end up falling out or something, which is wholly ridiculous. I know I'm ridiculous. We are all ridiculous. This is how ridiculous we are when we are nitpicking about ourselves.

Now I want to talk about the teeth of some people I admire (that's a weird sentence).

This is Susanne Sundfør. She is one of my favourite musical artists. She writes incredible melodies that shift into each other like a series of ominous and chaotic waves (the above screenshot is taken from this video, by the way, which I strongly recommend watching). She also has crooked teeth, and I think they are so cool. I love them, because I think they're a part of her beauty. I think they have character and are perfect the way they are.

This is Bunny, a.k.a. grav3yardgirl from YouTube. She is one of the kindest, nicest, funniest, and cutest people on YouTube, in my opinion, and she made a video all about her teeth, which I found to be the most uplifting and smart and lovely thing to watch if you're feeling sensitive about your teeth.

There's also this encouraging tweet by dear sweet pop music puppy dog Louisa Allen a.k.a. Foxes:

So if you can't shell out for expensive dental work or are just tired of feeling bad about your teeth, please know it's not everything. You can appreciate the things your teeth do for you regardless and realise that having 'ugly' teeth doesn't matter. They're still teeth, right? Just keep telling yourself they're good and okay, they're yours and no-one else's. You can't necessarily tell yourself you have beautiful teeth, but you can tell yourself that having ugly teeth doesn't matter. And you know what? It really doesn't have to matter. Good luck!

6 Perfect Pieces ♡ Accessorize Jewellery Wishlist

I was looking through the things on the Accessorize website and I found too many beautiful and perfect jewellery items there, so I thought I'd share some of my favourites. They have so many dainty and sweet designs that I love. Please prepare yourselves for the cuteness. Okay, are you ready? Let's look at some necklaces.

1 & 2. Crystal Leaf Open Cuff Bracelet (£8) & Sparkle Lotus Pendant Necklace (£17).

I love the delicate floral/leafy details here, as well as the peachy colours and the simplicity of each piece. I like lots of things with leaf designs since they're often quite calm and plain and nice, and there's something very unique and special about a lotus flower too.

3 & 4. Hummingbird Pendant Necklace (£6) & Diamante Chain Choker Necklace (£12).

Again, I really like how simple and dainty these are. I like tiny little gems and cute birds on necklaces. They're so small and pretty.

5 & 6. 10 x Sparkle Stretch Bracelet Pack (£8) & Dragonfly + Butterfly Brooch Pack (£12).

I find stretch bracelets like this really fun, and I like all the varieties of bead pattern used for these, as well as the soft colours. You can wear all ten at once, and since they're small and cute, it wouldn't seem like too much. Lots of mix 'n' match potential. I like that. The brooches are nice and understated. I tend to wear a brooch on my winter coats because it just adds a little bit of shimmer and sparkle, which is much-needed in the colder months of the year.

A special mention has to go to this Butterfly Print Watch (£18) as well, since it's so lovely. I love the white strap, and the clock face print is perfect for butterfly and insect lovers like me. I just wish more retailers would go for some moth motifs more often too ('moth motif' is pretty fun to say, after all), but hey, I'll take butterflies when I see 'em.