Hands & Hair

I love to grow a golden vortex on my own head. I also love to hold stuff (cats, cardigan bundles, candles). Here is a celebration of my hair and hands for those reasons.

When I was little I had a natural peroxide yellow look, but it gradually darkened to a dark blonde (these scans don't quite accurately capture the colour). My hair matured. It grew up, got into emo bands, and adopted a cynical attitude to life based on all the split ends.

Nowadays I mostly enjoy wrapping it around sailors that I lure to my rock in the middle of the ocean. I force them to play Scrabble with me until they die of exhaustion or I throw them into the sea for getting more points than me.

As for my hands, I mostly use those to grip cacti and collect papercuts.

Actually, hands are a long-standing favourite body part of mine. This is largely based on the fact that they can do all the things, but also they are sort of weirdly artistic looking and I think it's easy to look at your hands and imagine you are an alien like all those stereotypical bony-fingered aliens in the movies (#NotAllAliens).

I have many more things to say about hands and hair, but for those you will have to await my extensive series of pamphlets on the subject (or my inevitable interview with Jeremy Paxman where we just stare at our hands for four minutes and then I curl his hair with a very tiny curling wand).