It's Hot And I Want To Go To Sleep

I am having a Menstrual Moment a.k.a I am 100000% exhausted and I feel like warm treacle has been poured over my brain. I feel like I am wading through sludge when I try to go make a tea or take the lid off my water bottle. Usually my periods don't feel like this. I think the most common thing for me is wanting to cry for no reason or because I knocked over a mug, but usually I only have a small amount of pain, nausea and tiredness (lucky me!).

I always blog with a Moomin staring at me

Some periods, like this one, decide to be much more serious and really go for it in making my body hard to be in. So at the moment things like moving, being conscious, and thinking are bizarrely slow and unpleasant and I have to make a way bigger effort than normal to do any sort of normal everyday thing. I'm also assuming the heat and the feel of the air at the moment has a part to play in all this. That's the context in which I now want to talk about blogging, and the routine of blogging, and the continuous effort which blogging (and especially my daily blogging routine) requires.

Blogging us almost just like having thoughts, like, you have thoughts and you write those thoughts down and then people read the thoughts. In principle it's this easy transference of  stuff that is in your head, and I guess that's probably the thing that makes blogging so appealing! But also when you do it all the time and every day, it can be hard to take the thoughts out of your head. It can be hard to give the right form to your words or to find the right words to fit into the nice succinct shape of a blog post. It can be difficult to find your concept or the space of what you want to write. Maybe the idea changes into something else half way through writing.

For the past few days I've just found it so hard to write anything. Trying to work on blog posts has felt like trying to move my arms and legs through treacle. It's weird and sometimes hard to remember that I'm in this body and sometimes my body just can't figure it out.

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say now. I guess I'm trying to figure out this situation by writing. This happens, to me and anyone who writes like this, because we are people and our bodies and minds and thoughts and lives and worlds aren't the same every day. Blogging can be difficult when there is this gap between your brain and the blog. but I think my solution is exactly this sort of post. A stream of consciousness of something. Using my blog as an exercise book to get through that gap without forcing myself to do it as if it's homework.

Blogging about blogging matters to me. I like to think about what I am doing here and why I do it. Ultimately, I do it because I don't have to think too  hard and meet outward criteria for what I'm writing. All I'm writing is me, my diary and my thoughts, whether they are cleaned up and simplified thoughts in handy lists and neat paragraphs, or whether they are rambling lines and barely connected thoughts in the haze of illness, tiredness, or any state of human condition. Hi, I am here, with all these words. Until next time, see you (read you).