Same Idiot

Do you ever lie in bed at night and think about all the time you have occupied on this earth? And how you were once a small muffin with a love of Def Leppard? And how you are now a mildly larger muffin with a love of Def Leppard? Was that too specific to me? My point is, I'm sorta really different from me many years ago, but I'm also the same (also, Def Leppard are the greatest).

I mean obviously this is a thing. I'm not enlightening you to a new concept. We grow up and change but still remain effectively the same human. I know that, you know that, we all scream for ice cream. But I wonder how much I am the person I've always been. Was my current enjoyment of One Direction somehow ordained from birth? I mean, there's lots of things about myself and the past that I don't like. I talked a bit about that in this post about mistakes. There's also lots of things I'm happy about in terms of changing and becoming a better person and understanding things more and stuff. But it's scary, because if I grew between then and now, then I'm probably gonna grow in the future. What if my future self doesn't like my present self? What can I do?

I guess I can answer that, because whilst I know that past me got some things wrong, I don't hate her. Actually I probably just feel sorry for my past self, because she has yet to go through all the trouble of figuring it out. She's an idiot in a hundred ways, but she's trying to understand a lot of things and doesn't yet. So I guess it doesn't really matter, because future me will probably just be glad she understands more things, but it still freaks me out. I feel like a series of matryoshka dolls. Maybe I should think of myself more like a caterpillar - y'know, doing that whole cocoon thing. So my advice to myself would probably be "calm down, have a cup of tea, and maybe listen to Photograph a few more times".