How To Do Hair Things When Your Hair Doesn't Wanna Do Things

Hello. Is your hair like the rebellious teen of your body? Does it constantly slam the door and play rock music very loudly? Does it not realise that what you are trying to do is for its own good? Well, I am also dealing with these kinds of uncontrollable hair issues. Much like any actual human children you might have, you should probably try to approach your hair from a sympathetic direction and give it some agency to make its own decisions. Don't expect to control your hair, just to guide it. Here are some vague attempts I make to control my own satanic hay bale.

The Bun

If you are not too weirded out by the actual shape of your face and the apparent masculine interpretation by society of a skull unsoftened by a floaty river of hair, you can try this fun thing where you shape your hair into a problematic orb. Just scoop all of it into a little planetoid on your head and pray to the gods of symmetry it ends up centred. If not, try again. Don't try to do two of them because you will look like Chun Li from Street Fighter if she was a house elf.

Pros: Associated with pastry, serves as an excuse to be as grumpy as Little My.
Cons: Can often give you a headache or easily unravel.

Plaits

If you are into hypnotic actions and repetitive strain injury, this could be your thing. There are some fancy plaits out there, but I stick to the three-strand plait and usually do one on each side of my head. Plaits are quite flexible and can be cute or elaborate or bland, but either way they will at least trap some of your hair in a prison that is also made of hair. You can also nicely curl your hair overnight with them, which is cool if minor variation is the main thing keeping you from shaving your head and glaring at everyone in the post office when they dare to glance in your direction.

Pros: One step towards becoming Pippi Longstocking.
Cons: Hard to get to look like all those tutorials on Pinterest.

Ponytail

The height of hairstyling. Also you can blend in with ponies and become part of a cool pony gang.

Pros: Like a pony.
Cons: You are not really a pony.

1960s Pigtails & Anime Pigtails

Pigtails are nice and easy and cute. Place them low to look like you might be about to shoot the newly invented laser at Mick Jagger, or place them high to look like you are about to magically transform into a frilly outfit and blast a demon (still Mick Jagger) with your celestial powers.

Pros: Cute and easy.
Cons: May injure bystanders with sheer cuteness.

That's all I have right now. Good luck.