5 Ways To Deal With Life

Here are some top life tips. Please use them to tip your life (in a positive direction). Good luck out there.

1. Throw all your belongings out of the window of a moving train.

Not only is this wonderfully dramatic, but when you've rid yourself of pesky material possessions, it will be easier to run away from your problems and responsibilities. When trouble arises, you can just grab your taxidermy eagle (now the only thing you own) and go!

2. Only wear black.

It's practical, it matches with everything, and it represents the endless void of outer space. Convenient!

3. Learn to play the trumpet.

This is just an all-purpose good idea.

4. Uncover the secrets of photosynthesis.

If a plant can do it, why can't you? Try harder. After all, think of all the trips to [insert your supermarket of choice here] you'll save on when you can just eat straight up light, without even having to chop it up or anything!

5. Consider relocating to the moon.

It's lacking in amenities, but I've heard it's pretty nice there. If you're into barren craters, at least. I know I am.