HOW TO BE A GOOD PERSON /// + YOUTUBE FAVES

Okay, this is not an instructional post. I'm reflecting. Like a huge, wobbly mirror (with wild hair). Something has made me feel excited. Maybe it's just making more blog posts and YouTube videos again, taking complete and absolute hold of me, worming its way in the way it always does. I'm not sure why it is that it can burrow so deep, but seeing videos of people I've met once or twice - going to parties, making content, laughing with their friends until their lungs hurt, filming late night introspective talks, arranging their fairy lights, making snide references to disliked well-known YouTubers - seeing all this stuff makes me feel incredibly real and forever buzzing, bee-like, into something new.

I see all this progression, excitement, friendship, growth, and endless jokes in dim lighting and cameras spinning with laughter, and it all makes me think - where am I right now? What am I doing? What's happening?

I've realised I'm still someone who gets that dreaded comment, "you're really quiet, aren't you?" And whilst these days I take it with its intended warmth (I feel like often when people say that they're kind of trying to reassure you and connect with you), it feels like a challenge. A note on who I am right now. A reminder of who I have been, and the twinkling future with a shadowy form. I admire so many people, and see so much, and I want to take it all and hold it in my chest and become something better. I want to be a good person, a better person, an exciting and vivacious type. The person you can tell terrible jokes to and share your fears with. The person wearing glitter and huge crab claws at a party.

So here's me now, thinking all of this:

And I promise I will do my best.

Maybe I'll be able to look back on this post and see something, some difference in me, perhaps next year, or in two years, or in six months. For the sake of comparison, then, I'll list my follower and subscriber count, which on this blog is (as of writing) 7008, and on YouTube, 1873. I'm going to try and pour so much into these spaces, but also into the entire concept of self-documentation and into my relationships and creativity overall. Whatever happens, I'm sure it will be great.

Meanwhile, here's a screenshot of a draft video file, because I thought it was funny, and below is a list of YouTubers who make me want to be a better human in various ways:

NotJustBlonde
Ant
Diogenes The Vlog
Rosianna Halse Rojas
KhanStopMe
Jon Aitken
Tessa Violet
SuperSamStuff
Leena
Francesca Georgiou
Embly
Lucy Moon
Craig Simmonds
Daniel J. Layton
ScarfDemon
Dodie
Peter Draws
Jimmy