Antici... pation

People spend their lives looking for happiness, generally. That's the goal. Be happy. But what's interesting to me is how that can mean so many things. There's an ambiguity to happiness in that as a concept it entails so many variables. So many different kinds of happiness are out there. Our hormones are like a fruit bowl of options when you think about it. So I guess it's easy to chase a slightly not-actually-maybe-all-that-great version of happiness.

I mean, what are we talking about? Ecstasy? Extreme bliss? The muted yet deep relaxation that can come from sinking into a warmth bath? Ever-present contentedness that makes you feel like a happy little steam train chugging along? Miscellaneous fuzzy feelings that shoot around your chest like tiny fireworks? There's a lot to think about.

But one of my big favourite potential happinesses comes in the form of anticipation, perhaps morphing into excitement. That's something I've been feeling fuzzing around inside me recently for a few different things, and I was thinking about it, and actually I'd really like to feel more of that. If I'm chasing anything it should be anticipation. Like chasing the act of chasing itself. Hell yeah.

I want to do things that feel fresh and new. I want to grow and change. Sometimes I want to fly to New Zealand, change my name to Apple, and become a freelance botanist who plays the cello and only wears sundresses. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but the point is that I have dreams. The real ones are secret and stupid, but they're like jewels you keep hidden up in the attic. It's time to get that down and feel that glitter of sparkling anticipation, for my entire life.