Brexit & Rihanna: Renaming The Final Fantasy IX Characters

Every time I replay a Final Fantasy game these days, I feel compelled to name all the characters in a way that will be guaranteed to provide me with big laughs throughout the duration of the playthrough. I've just started a fun new game of Final Fantasy IX, and Zidane is now "brexit". The biggest regret I have so far is that I used a lowercase B here. Everyone else's names begin with uppercase letters, but brexit is a deflated mess, devoid of capital letters and dignity. Let's just say it's metaphorical.

Of course, Garnet has chosen the nickname, "Corbyn". A fine choice, if this wasn't already political enough (spoiler: it will get more political later). This leads to some beautiful lines which I'm using to divine the future of British politics. Please reach out if you need my consultation services.

For some less political humour, I decided Steiner should be Rihanna. Personally, I love imagining Rihanna as an angry soldier in a suit of armour. It works beautifully.

Vivi acts as a very tentative Karl Marx. I'm thinking about naming another character after Engels, but maybe that would be too much. Maybe we can have Beyoncé join our party instead. Beyoncé and Marx. Marx and Beyoncé.

Brexit is so protective of Corbyn. And so is Rihanna, usually. Aside from when this happens:

I'm having an excellent time.