Now!

I love being cooped up in my lair, in gentle spring darkness with papers and biscuits all around me. I have this need to share things and always be doing and making stuff to post, and I have a notepad of ideas and possible things to do. I've been making some animated stuff lately, and I want to always be working on approx. 12 things. But I want to read forums all day and learn weird facts and laugh at jokes about bad movies, and I also want to sink away and into my own life and go do stuff in the kitchen.

It's always a balance trying to shift itself and break the equilibrium. Sometimes I feel like the only me is online, then other times I feel like the only me is the person making dinner and shivering and putting things back in drawers. There's a weird disconnect between the two worlds. I want to smoosh them together and pull them apart like strings of blu-tack.

One song in particular I think perfectly expresses the kind of disconnected, ambitious desire I feel in relation to this kind of internet/IRL longing, combined with acceptance of the pointlessness and randomness of being a human person who exists and how it's all... fine is The B-52's 'Song For A Future Generation':

"Wanna be mother-father?
Daughter-son, captain?
Wanna be ruler-king and empress?"

To me it encapsulates the spontaneity of feverishly pursuing desires, but also kinda has a lazy feel to it, like, whatever.

I just want to be and do everything, but also I just want to lie down.