Navy Blue & The Lie We Call Time

Hello! It's 4:42pm on a Tuesday as I write this and it's almost dark out. Just that bright fading blue in the sky that reminds me of school uniform colours (my school uniforms were royal blues that became navy). I'm thinking about the way things happen all at once and out of the blue (hmm, seems like blue is a mysterious and suspect colour). You know, it's just, things are how they are for so long and then all of a sudden it's like a cog has clicked out of place somewhere. And I feel like it happens a lot, in tiny ways. Little things start spinning around all the time. It's strange. But I always find it comforting thinking about how things can change just like that.

You live your whole life and someone else lives theirs and suddenly you're slammed together. You try something over and over and it never works, only one day something shifts and lets it happen. Chance falls from the sky like a bowling ball or a feather. It's so strange.

And have you ever had a fantasy come true? I have little fantasies all the time, you know, just maybe wearing a red sundress and looking at crabs on the beach with a friend, or visiting someone who lives far away, or making a particular sort of thing maybe. But sometimes things come true unexpectedly, and I can't believe it. The time I recorded songs with a friend, and then we put songs on Spotify and played The Purple Turtle in Camden (to two disinterested audience members maybe, but it was still great). The few times I've drunk-talked to musicians I admire, maybe embarrassing myself a bit but having a nice little moment. The times when I'm outside and it's dark and something about the place just looks and feels exactly like something I'd imagined before.

It's so strange, that all these things can happen. That tiny dreams can come true, that momentary things can feel bigger than years. Everything is such a mystery. And I think time passing almost means nothing, when I think about how you can meet someone and feel like you've known them forever, or you can one day do something you never thought was possible.

And I'm really grateful for that mystery. I'll hold it around me like a blanket, and we'll run into the navy blue like a shopping trolley let go, hurtling into the road. Only, by now it's 5pm, and the sky is black, and there's a crescent moon looking fuzzy above the rooftops.