Feel Better Soon

I think maybe the most insidious thing about anxiety is that it makes you worry about it. You recognise it and you enter this loop of being confused or frustrated or worried about feeling anxious. You get anxious about feeling anxious. It becomes an infinity loop of that freaky stomach churning feeling, and maybe the idea that it's your fault. Why can't you fix it?

I've been feeling sorta physically anxious lately. All those bubbly stomach feelings, and that thing where you eat breakfast too early and it feels bodily wrong. Like you just weren't meant to eat before noon. Maybe breakfast is a conspiracy. But I realised that it can help to truly think of it as being unwell. I don't even realise how worried it makes me until I suddenly think to myself, "hey, I'm just feeling sick right now. I'm just not 100% well and I feel queasy, and there's nothing I can do about it and I'll probably feel better later." And then I feel this sense of relief and I realise that I've been holding a big orb of worry in my chest for no reason. It's like I just want myself to not feel anxious so much that I'm unconsciously straining to make it stop. As if I can force it to go away. And of course, I can't! Just like I can't force a headache away. It's just gotta be there. I just feel sick and weird sometimes, and I'm gonna feel better soon.

It's unfortunate how hard it is to actually notice when I'm internally stressing out about something I can't do a thing to alleviate except relax and let go, but when I can let go and just let myself exist in my physical reality of just feeling sick or weird, it makes it so much better.

It's ok. It's fine to be anxious. It's fine to have that weird twisty stomach feeling. I'm gonna feel better soon anyway.