The Perfect Light Bulb

Hello friends, here's a stream of consciousness. Here's the stream right from my brain. Here's all my thoughts as a puddle. Maybe you'll see your wobbly reflection in them, who knows, who can say?

I'm listening to one of my favourite deliciously loud and angry, yet somehow gentle bands - Hello Sleepwalkers. They have an exhilaration to them that I love, and that makes me feel  sort of released into the wind somehow, on an emotional level. I feel the same kind of thing when I listen to Pvris. It's just the right kind of passion. There's a swiftness in the sound that I like a lot.

I'm finally going to push One Direction out of my top eight artists on last.fm this week, and I'm excited about this. Not that I MUST ELIMINATE ONE DIRECTION or anything, no, I will always think their song Diana is a beautiful and rousing stadium style hit, but it's nice to see artists overtaking those that have sat high for a long time. I love the game of listening to an artist so much that they get up there in those ranks. They've made it. It's a nice feeling. I know I'm still far too invested in last.fm, but honestly you'll have to wrestle that broken website from my cold, dead hands.

Moving on to a Sad Thought™, I wonder how much other people feel like if others just knew everything about them then they wouldn't like them. I mean, I wonder how many people have that kind of secret insecurity that maybe if something was uncovered about them, that would be it. No one would like them, they'd be shunned forever. Proof you're secretly terrible, somehow. It's just an idle thought, rolling around like a loose ball bearing. Realistically, we know everyone pretty much has insecurities, and weird little foibles and worries. It's just a sad thing I'm thinking about. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that kind of stuff about myself. Not even truly consciously, but there's just this feeling like waves against the riverbank, of "that's right, I'm terrible". What's up with that? What's that about?

And howcome it's easy for me to pass over the flaws and strangenesses and uncomfortable things about people I like and love, but when it comes to me it's so easy to unthinkingly propagate this well of discomfort about myself?

It's as if other people can be these moving lights, blinking and changing in brightness and colour, sometimes turning off because there's a power cut (I might be taking this analogy too far), you know, they're always changing. The light is always different but the bulb is always the same, or something. But me? No sir, that flickering means you gotta change the bulb.

I just wanna be the perfect light bulb! Okay?!

But really, I don't know what that odd anxiety is about, or why the right kind of music can take it away, but I wonder how many people are doing that silently all the time. Also, sometimes breakfast helps. Thanks, breakfast.